100 posts already. Nearly 3 months since the meltdown. Didn't think I'd be here this long. Didn't know her hurt was so deep. Boy have I been naive.
Thanks to everyone for advice, support, and 2x4's. I still need it.
25, when we left off, the plan was for you to help me plan for anniversary on 12/7...
Quote:
do not ignore the anniversary.
Check the road map she gave you and see what things you can work on and we can chat about incorporating somethings in a card or gift for her.
What is her love language?
My reply:
Quote:
25, I really believe her LL is Acts of Service. 99.9% sure.
Road map:
Pursue more work. Don't rely on the business, ever again, unless by the grace of God it surpasses income of BOTH of us again. For me to have a PMA I have to be providing at least decent support
Pursue personalcareer development options rather than usual GAL. Frankly, the feel good type of GAL was part of the problem. She saw ME as having a life, while she toiled away. All my GAL was ESCAPE/AVOID shame of reality that I wasn't supporting enough. I was having EAs w/my activities.
Pursue better R w/S, S, D. For All our benefit.
Alleviate fear that things would be the same in the future RE:my pushy, bully ways by showing 180 behaviors to her, like NOT defending criticisms, but validating; and by not criticizing, judging.
DON'T mention, or allude to, or imply, or manipulate convo toward living situation, OM again. She will bring it up when the time comes. (I just remembered something...see my PS below)
Others?
Looking forward to your ideas for anniversary!
PS. 2 separate friends have offered her a place to stay while we work things out. Saturday, and at least 2 other occasions, SHE brought these up: "I'm not going to go stay with friend1 like a 12 year old." friend1 is an older couple who tried to counsel her in the beginning.."and I'd have to sleep standing up if I stayed w/friend2"..friend2 is a borderline hoarder. That's when I fixate and push with an attitude of "anywheres better than where you are!"
What is she trying to tell me by bringing this up? I always suggest going back to her sisters but think she is ashamed to and now has said I didn't give space she needed when she was there before. Pastor mentioned to me yesterday a couple he knows looking for a boarder. He is getting details just in case. I agree w/her on friend2. Neither of us are neat freaks but we have our limits.
I think mirroring the 12 year old comment next time will be better than getting pushy.
I really want to get this right!
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
