Is It really Worth it?

[Ready2Quit]

Wow it is amazing how less then 24 hours can change ones life. Yesterday I thought things were really looking up for me and H. He was being so nice, texting me, being flirty, asking about my day, just like old times! I have this bad problem with snooping. I checked his phone last night. I saw where they were playing that game draw something on line. The word was "buzzkill" The OW guessed the word and then sent him a message that said, "LOL, kinda like out spouses! He said "No, not you babe."

So I guess everything that I thought was going right was just for show or whatever his motive is. I think that they did see each other on Tuesday and maybe were fighting and made up and now he is in a good mood. I am really not sure. I think I have come to the end for me. I wish I had the money to leave and start over and give my Sons everything but I don't. I don't know her motive either, why they didn't get together when they had the chance is beyond me. I would be in a better place right now because I would have had a future goals in mind, planning my life without him. Now I am back to thinking this is not a permanent situation and he will come in at any time and tell me again he is leaving.

I want to call her and ask her what she wants but I know that it will be all lies from her. Why didn't they get together when they had the chance? I keep asking myself that question. I want to ask him that question. If he loves her that much go be with her and leave me alone. You know they keep saying you will know when you had enough. I think I am there. How can I keep trying to work on a marriage when I know he is not? I can easily work on myself and GAL which I have been doing, but I still ahve to come home and act like things are working. I think I am losing my mind. I want to get off this crazy ride. DO I talk to him and tell him I know what he is doing and that's fine we will live our lives like this, put stipulations in, like don't text her around me, just tell me you are going out and I will know its with her, Can I even handle that? Or do I keep trying to get him away from the OW (I have been trying to get him away for 5 years).

When he is attentive to me at home things are great, because he thinks he is getting everything he wants, OW and me. But I am not sure he even wants me anymore, maybe he just wants his lifestyle and family life when it is convienent for him.

It's all such a mess! Really I wish he would tell me honestly what he wants.