The green green grass of home. (Part 2 )

[Soul.Searching]

Well I feel 2x4 coming my way but I actually transferred one payment back. I did it once he called me and we talked properly. I made it clear that I was doing it for my children and not for him. I made it clear that it is a once off and that he needs to have it all caught up next week. I made it clear that I need it on time from now on or I will have to call up and have his wage garnished. I made it clear that his anger didn't affect me today, that he owns that. I made it clear that if he looses his s**t and goes off half cocked again, then he will suffer the concerquences. I made it clear that I will not be treated like that.

The only reason the money is not the issue, is because all I have to do is make one phone call and it will be garnished out of his wage. I think that may end up happening but I'm giving him a chance first. It's better for me this way too, If he can man up and be a father.

He called again a while ago and he said something that confirmed what he done on the weekend. Last weekend after telling him I needed that money for D9s rehearsal costume, he choose instead to take OW (I think just the newest s.e.x partner.) away for the weekend.) He knew I was struggling and I needed that money for his daughter. He choose to use it for his own selfish needs instead.

I have officially lost the last little bit of respect I had left for him. The person I loved is no more. A shell is all that is left.

After I hung up he kept messaging asking me who told me. I wouldn't tell him but I did tell him how he made me feel when he done that. I told him that I was not perfect but I am no where near the huge bit@h he made me out to be.
He is not happy because I won't tell him who told me. I don't care.
I told him I am telling everybody that I don't want to talk about him if he comes up in conversation. That I don't want to know. I told him that while I do still have sad days, that the good days outweigh the bad now.
I told him that he was right about one thing, that I do deserve better, a hell of a lot better.

Probably not what I should have said to him but I don't care. Truth hurt much? He owns that, not me.
I think him calling me on Sunday crying about the sick family member was a cover. The family member is sick but it's nothing serious. That was his guilt, He owns that and I am not going to be the one to make him feel better about his guilt.

He should feel guilt. I was the one trying to communicate to him for years before BD. He just upped and ran off, like a stray dog lost in a storm.
Sorry H, you can run but you can not hide, especially from yourself.

I'm not wasting my life pining over somebody who does not care. Not even enough about his own children. His own selfish needs come before anything else.
He is digging one hell of a hole.

He will find out in about a week, if he will have a licence and a job. I won't be there to comfort him or to help him if he looses them.