Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[someguy1233]

First, others will disagree, but I do NOT believe in exposure of affairs. At least not at the outset. Can discuss this more if it is ever confirmed that your W is in an A. Let's hope not.

Yep, I am a disagree-er .
I asked H if he was seeing someone and he said no. He lied. It wasn't the sex, it was the lying. For me, that was perilously close to a deal breaker. Funnily enough, knowing the truth has made me position myself differently than before. Don't kid yourself, I was a wreck for a few days, but it gave me perspective.

That being said, I see Denver's point as well. If you are not in a position where you can handle the info at this point, don't do it. The exposure of an OW to me just confirmed what I suspected and I have no desire to know who where when or what.

The fact that H lied to me, put into question every single thing he has ever said because I trusted him, and it almost broke me. So, work towards your 180s GAL and detach, detach, detach.

Keep all info to yourself, do not ask W about OM, good chance she will deny. Do not let this eat you up SG..because it will if you let it

Ahhh, maybe I wasn't very clear. Sorry. I am referring to "exposure" as it relates to telling friends, family, children, etc., about the affair that your spouse is having.

I'm not in favor of that, at least at the beginning.

Exposing to friends and family only makes it more difficult for the cheating spouse to come back to the M once the A is over. They feel embarrassed and/or ashamed of their behavior and don't feel comfortable facing those people. In addition, it usually p!sses them off and accomplishes very little to end the A. IMO anyway.

I'm all in favor of confirming whether your spouse is having an A or not. I don't see how a person can make an informed decision on anything if they don't know if that is happening or not.

Denver, you and I are on the same page. That's the type of exposure I was referring to as well.