Based on the title of your post you are aware that things are out of control with you and your marriage.
I think the first thing you need to do is honestly decide if keeping your wife is what you are actually wanting. It may sound harsh, but everything you have been doing has not been about keeping your wife. Everything you've been doing has been about you trying to prove yourself right and prove your fears to be true.
Right now, your wife is pulling away from you, and each action you've taken has essentially been you taking a stick and beating her and telling she is wrong and bad.
So, if you want to save your marriage, stop doing that! You've got to get control of yourself. Stop reacting to your fears and feelings. I know that is hard to do, but if you don't stop, your marriage over.
Now, get the book and read it and then read it again. And then read it again! Until you do that, stop doing everything and anything.
Your wife wants a secure and steady man. Right now, you are neither of those things. You are scared and off balance and flailing around being controlled by your worst emotions. Believe me, I understand why, but you have become the very thing your wife doesn't want. So stop. Don't make a move. Become still.
Say this to your wife next time you see her. "You know, I need some time to think things through." And then shut up and walk away and start thinking about how you can get control of yourself. Just doing that is going to surprise your wife. This is the 180 you need right now.
You're going to be tempted to do stupid things, like ask questions, tell her how you're feeling, what you want, etc. We all are. But don't do them. Talk as little as possible. Interact with your wife as little as possible. Don't be a d*ck or rude or act all hurt. Just be calm and polite when you see your wife. Inside you're going to be going crazy and scared and angry, but on the outside you need to act as relaxed as possible. As pleasant as possible.
You need to do this until you get the book and read it at least three times.
Do not talk to her about Divorce Busting. If you have, don't mention it again. She is already on guard and suspicious, and telling her you're going to be using DB will make her more suspicious and make your work way harder.
Now is the time for you to be like Bond. Not cheesy Bond, but Daniel Craig Bond. You need to be cool, collected and not emotional.
