Do I Have a Chance?

[complicated]

Absolutely. In fact, I have already stated some of that to him. I told him today "it was your choice to move out. His response was that I wouldn't so he had to. I told him you were the one who didn't want to work on our marriage so why should I be the one to move out. He was getting no sympathy from me. That is the way I still feel. He is depressed and blames me for that.

Of course there would have to be no contact with OW. He continues to tell me that he is not involved with her that she is just a friend. My daughter says the same thing but he is not going to tell her he is having an affair with her. In the 27 years we have been together, I have always been the trusting type and he as well. I will trust you until you give me reason not to. Until of course I saw those texts a couple years ago. Even then he said they were just friends but she at the time wanted more. He says that has changed since then. They don't work together but they dealt with each other on the phone. He told me that "she " told him that he should try and work it out. Like I said earlier, I'm not that quick to trust what he says. He would have to show me.

So my thought was if he would discontinue contact with her, and agree to take the necessary steps to work on us, then I would agree to let him move back. I think I would also have to make it clear to him that our marriage problems are not a result of me alone but both of us. I think he would have to understand that and work on what he needs to for his depression that his depression is not my fault.

Any other suggestions? I saw him a fair amount over the 7 months he was gone because of the kids. He stopped doing anything around the house but he helped a little with D15. I probably saw him a 3-4 times a week at least. How long was he gone in your case? We lived together while we were going through a divorce. He stopped it but then moved out. So this has been going on a while. I know he didn't have a ton of time to do things with her because I still saw him a fair amount and the fall is a really busy time for him at work.

One of the things I noticed with him is wanting attention when he came over. That has only been recently. I told him life goes on. I have stuff to do that I can't just drop because you decide to stop by. I really think he started to realize that I have made some changes and he misses everything to do with being a family. I'm not sure though.