Trying really hard to be Thankful today...

[Sweetbriar]

Okay, just an update. Actually, there isn't much to update, except that tonight was H's one night that he gets the kids during the week and there is always something to report when they get home.

Earlier today, H called the house 2 times and left a message for me that he needed to ask my something. I did not return his call. I just figured if he has something to ask me, he can email me since he doesnt have my cell phone # to text me anymore. I figured it was something money related, so I let it go. I did receive a email later and he was asking for some car paperwork. I responded (about 3 hours later) "ok" and that was it. Usually I would have gone into detail that I would try to find it and that I was going to be gone tonight etc...but I didnt.

My D11 decided that she didnt want to go with H tonight, so she got a mean text from him that he was upset and that he will not put up with her kicking dirt in his face. H said that she got her phone and now she doesnt want to see him and that he will just have a good time with her sister. H responded this after she wrote that it was his fault he never gets to see her, so he gets angry when the kids throw the reality in his face. He cannot handle the truth.

So, D14 wasn't going to go unless he took her to a certain restaurant. (bratty, yes, but I don't care..he deserves it if you ask me) and he did say he would take here there. I had dinner plans with a girlfriend tonight and I left before he got here to pick D14 up. (D11 Was at a friends house). So, when he got here, he apparently asked D14 where I was and where her sister was. She said sister was with friend and I was out to dinner. He asked with who and she said she didn't know. He then said to D that he thinks I am seeing someone. And asked her if she thought so...to which she responded that she didnt know. He then asked her if she would be upset if I was and she said "NO". She asked him if he would be jealous and he said NO.

At dinner, during conversation, D also asked H if he will be sad when the final divorce came around and he said yes, he would be sad and that he was very sad on our anniversary. He told D that he had to be the one who contacted me on that day to say something. Did he really think I would contact him when he is with another woman now????

Anyway, they talked about the baby and other things but she said that this time they did talk about school and her braces and that stuff...thank god. Normal conversation with your 14 year old!

I got a kick out of this one...he told D that he wanted to travel the world with her and take her places as soon as he gets back on his feet! I had to laugh...this is coming from the guy who NEVER made any plans for us or our family and any trip we ever took was my doing! H really is saying some crazy things!

I have to ask...why would he even care if I was seeing someone? I mean, he is with OW...so why would he even ask?? Also, I didnt plan on him getting this impression, Im pregnant for gosh sakes, but if he thinks that I am seeing someone, does this push them further away? Just curious?

All Im doing is GAling...and maybe he does notice that I am gone a lot when he comes around and I also have had NC contact with him. I know that me not giving him my new cell number was a great step for me because it prevents any useless conversations that we used to have that would end up in arguments. It also makes him have to call our email to ask me anything...which is more effort on his part. He is used to me being there on the other end of a cell phone or being here when he gets the kids etc...but I have changed all of that. He may not care...but he noticed.

I also had IC today for the first time in 3 weeks. (he was on vaca and then I was working so we finally got back on schedule!) He was very helpful today and made the comment that he really thought I was doing better than he has ever seen me. He also said that I was looking so great! (then the apologized to me that it may have made me uncomfortable to mention my blue eyes and great smile!) He is older and very nice and I took it as a compliment...wasnt uncomfy at all! He is like the 20th person (NOT LYING) that has paid me a compliment in the past 2 days! It must be a pregnancy glow! Of course, everyone notices but H...but oh well..I feel good about it!

H sees another counslor in the group and although the counselors cannot talk about what we say to them individually, they do occasionally consult. Maybe just to see how each of us is doing? Today I made the comment to my counselor that I sometimes get these waves of "WHY?" that come over me and I wonder what is so great about OW that had made him choose her? My counselor replied that between what I have told him and what he has learned in consultation with H's counselor, that it seems to be about my H and not about OW. I think I knew this already...but I guess the counselors see it too! Uggg...if only he could see what he is losing...

I got the book the script today...I saw a few people recommend to read it since its a fast read...Im off to start it now...

SB