First of all. on the whole panty test thing. I got the idea and advice from another marriage forum. They have a section called Investigative techniques or something. There that kind of thing is encouraged and promoted. A number of people on there told me how to do go about it and how it was a good idea.
It was a home kit and I didn't send it to anyone else. I figure it was 1000% legal because she is my wife and they were just in the hamper. I don't think it's invasive as it's not like I took them off her. plus I had other people tell me it was okay to do and I could use it in court if I needed to.
But I only did it once. so no harm. I still have part of the kit left if I need to and I will be very careful in the future.
As for the DB book, I can't find my notes, I suspect my W found them and trashed them or hid them to be 1 step ahead. I'll probably ask her about it tonight. I know that will probably trigger a fight, but the kids should be in bed by then. I'm so full of anxiety that I can't remember which advice was from which place. arrrrggghhhhh. I'm not sure what exactly 180 means...is that a page number?
i'm sitting here trying to think of what I did wrong in the marriage and I think I was a good dude for her. Well, I did have the almost affair, but I've learned my lesson and I told her as much in a letter I wrote for her shortly after she discovered. Also, I tended to be super critical of her - or at least she has been saying that earlier this year..then she stopped suddenly, so I figured that things were better.
Beauty is in the eye of the behold and I think I'm still good looking. I wear the extra 75lbs pretty good so I don't think that's an issue. I think she was just trying to get my goat by calling me fat and ugly. I used to sometimes say this to her during bad fights, but I always, always apologized and I wanted to be inmate with her so that showed her that I was really attracted t over. However, I told her I made an appointment with a doctor to talk about it so hopefully she will see that I'm taking it seriously.
lastly on her deal, I need to be a little more clear. I thought it was a good sign because she didn't say she wanted a divorce. I mean that's what we are trying to avoid on here right? Last time she went straight to divorce talk...this time not. So a +. Secondly, part of the deal was that she 1000% promised that she wouldn't have sex with anyone else --- only date and only for friendship. She said she is at the age where most women get and she doesn't like sex anymore. So why would she do something she hates? We also agreed that while I'd give her my checks the bills would be a joint effort. We'd both sit down once a week to decided how they get paid. She just is the money manager for the family. Honestly, I can't be responsible with money one of her nagging points. Also I did not give her an answer yet. I'm hoping she will just forget about that conversation. I don't mind sleeping in the office or the inlaw apartment really. She is a nite owl and I need to sleep early for my job so I think that I will be better off at least for a while. One the plus side it can be my Man Cave. Anotherstander -I cannot say that to her. if I gave her that speech I think she'd kick my butt then put me out of the house. it's complicated because the house we rent is owned by her dad- who has always disliked me. I think he'd look for any reason to throw me out. Aslo, I think she'd lose any good feelings if I said that.
I do want to fix my marriage, but I also want to teach them a lesson for having an affair in the first place. It's unfair that they get off scott free to do what they want and I suffer.
