Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[Denver_2010]

How often are you going to Happy Hours?

And if HH is not your thing, go out and do something with friends, on your own. She doesn't have to know what it is. Maybe you could set up a schedule, W you go out Tues and I go on Th.

You're sounding a little like the long-suffering husband sitting home with the baby. Change that up, go out, have a good time, stay out past 10:30. I know you said you always went to bed at a certain time and maybe that's what's driving her crazy-maybe she feels like you've turned into an old married couple. You two are just entering the prime of your lives, don't waste it.

YES ^^^

No offense, but your M sounds like it lacks excitement and has for a while. I have been there, so I get it. This very well could be the root cause of what your W is going through, her confusion.

I highly suggest that you start jazzing things up. Begin with YOU, by doing some GAL. I've read about 6 pages of your thread, and the most GAL that I've read about you doing is taking up reading again and going to get a massage... and the place was closed! What do you like to do that you haven't done in a while? What have you never done that you have always wanted to do? Loosen your tie a little and have some fun. Your W will notice. She will become curious. And then, when the time is right, you can ask her to join you... to have a little fun WITH you.

Bug is right, with your W or without her, life is too short to live on such a short leash.

You're right. I haven't pushed GAL activities. When W is willing to spend time with me, I feel like I have to be around her, even if it's just watching TV together. Could this be seen as a negative?

I think so, yes. And I TOTALLY get this. I did the exact same thing for a very long time. In hindsight, it was partly because I knew that if W was with me, she wasn't with OM. And until June of this year, I never fully believed my W when she would tell me that she wasn't having contact with him. Also in hindsight though, I don't think that this was a very good reason to neglect GALing.

The other part of why I did this, is because I had been a pretty awful H before, so I had a lot to show my W in terms of my changes. I'm not sure that you have that same problem.

So yeah, I do think that it can be a negative and as you say below, it may be playing right into her expectations of you.

Maybe if W is bored, I'm playing right into her expectations... we once again just sit on the couch and watch TV like we always did. Maybe I need to let go of this "non-quality time" and just leave the house sometimes. She can watch TV on her own?

That's what I would advise. And for goodness sakes, stay out past 10:30!