H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[nicole8]

....My husband has been home almost two years now. Our relationship has done almost a complete 180 from what it used to be. We are doing more things together...ie. just spending time together. H used to work nights/weekends. I didn't have the same schedule. Looking back this was difficult. H now works a strange schedule but it is different because it allows us to see each other more, which is great.

The moodiness, irritability, strange behavior and just plain jerk seem to be gone... for the most part. He still seems stressed as he is in school and it is difficult for him. He is telling me more how he "feels" and I am trying hard to just listen to what he says.... Then validate it. For example " yes, I know your worried about work, school, money, etc but why don't you just finish your school paper right now". I've learned that just trying to breakdown the things he is worried about helps him. Almost as if he needs permission to not worry about something else right now.

We also are taking a financial class together. It's amazing how it has opened up our communication about what we both want. Before, my h acted almost immature because he wanted "stuff" that I thought we couldn't afford. He never in my opinion knew what things cost or how expenses impacted our bank account. He works so why can't we do x, y and z??? So we are working together more than ever. We even made a budget for our Christmas gifts this year. I can't even explain how awesome it felt to me that now we know who we are buying gifts for and how much we will spend. Before we would go somewhere and h would want to buy a bunch of gifts. I would cringe knowing how much money we did or didn't have and that most of the gifts were not realistically couldn't afford. It felt really good to tell my h after working the budget how I felt in the past and it made me happy to work on this together. Long story short he told our entire class that night what we had done and how relieved both of us felt. We both are working together more than ever. It feels really good.

I didn't think we could ever be in the place we are. Certainly three years ago I thought for sure he had lost it. Our story is long but my h losing his father was I believe too much for him to handle and caused him to just break down. He's become close friends in the last year and a half with an older guy. This friend is an all around great guy. He's about 15 years older than my h and I think it's just great he has someone to just talk to. His friend might actually be one of the best positive changes for him. He has someone to talk with that doesn't judge him and they have similar beliefs. They talk almost everyday And I think this is a great valuable relationship for him.

Were moving forward in a more positive direction than ever. I never would have thought it was possible with all the drama before. But now I know that time, patience, listening and change can make a difference. I hope this gives someone else hope for their own life.