He's Just Not That Into You - The Sequel

[Wendylon]

RLA, keep sticking to what's working and don't let his comments concern you too much. It's a safety mechanism. Or a safety line. He doesn't want to fall back into what you had before so he's not letting go yet. He might venture as far in as the rope will let him while still hanging on for a while.

I think CV's analysis of the sitch with your H is spot on.

How funny that you're watching British shows. Have you watched Downton Abbey? There is a Christmas special here. I'm very excited for you that your H said your name in a joking way that he used to. I wonder whether it even took him by surprise. It shows that he is starting to feel more and more comfortable around you.

Your H's behaviour reminds me of a boyfriend I had in college. I broke up with him at the end of Junior year for someone else but then that didn't work out and my original boyfriend and I got back together in our Senior year. For ages, he kept saying that he didn't trust me and wouldn't trust me but somehow I could tell that he was getting back into the relationship despite his assertions to the contrary. I let him say that we weren't really getting back together even though I could tell we were. We eventually did break up when we went to graduate schools with an eight hour time difference (pre-internet days). I still dream about him a lot.

After I broke up with that boyfriend, he played it very cool for a long time. In some ways, he DBed instinctively and it was very attractive. We had to see each other as we shared a carrel (also pre-internet times of having carrels in the university library to study). He was cheerful and upbeat and really looked as if his life was absolutely fine without me. He flirted (and slept) with other women. Looking back, I can't get over how insensitive I'd been. I broke up with him over the phone the day before he was sitting his LSATs. Luckily for me, he still did well. If someone did that with my son, I'd be livid. Sorry for the rambling and reminiscing on your thread...

Back to you, keep doing what you're doing! You're definitely on the right track. Keep zipping your lips and validate. Let him hang on to his resistance and his stories for now.