Thanks Sandi2. I caused a lot of issues last week, and I don't want a repeat. I wish all of this didn't go against my nature, it would make things so much easier.
Hi, Terry B, Just read your thread. What if you changed your perspective about "fixing things" to believe that NOT talking about the R WILL HELP fix things (as it is the only way it MIGHT)?
That way you may be more inclined to let things be.
I also know that it is hard to fill in the conversation with light talk when there is a BIG FAT ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM! Visualize this elephant getting smaller and smaller as you ignore it more.
Also, read all you can about MLC b/c that will also help you to save your sanity. I know it helps me to realize the "classic" signs and behaviors of someone in a MLC.
Obviously we all have 180s to work on and it sounds like you've done a good job realizing what things YOU can work on. So, put your energy into the "new, improved you!" And, your D needs you more than ever now so love her DOUBLE.
Finally, I just want to add that the roller coaster ride you are on is going to be a very long one and you need to be prepared to get used to the twists and turns, hills and loop-d-loops that come w a MLCer. TAKE CARE OF YOU! (((hugs)))
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Thanks turtlegirl. That may help quite a bit. I am currently looking for a therapist for my D, she has noticed enough that it is affecting her at school. My W and I had a meeting with her teacher yesterday, and was asked if there are any problems at home. My D is acting out, falling asleep in class, and day dreaming(none of which is normal for her). I was hoping that my D's teacher asking that question would wake my W up as to the damage she is causing. I don't think it phased her much though. I am doing all I can to help my D, and keep some sanity at home.
The roller coaster ride is very emotionally taxing, as you probably know. It's taking all the concentration and strength I have, but I know that I can make it through this. I just hope my mind is still in one piece when it's over.
Is it normal for an MLCer to say they love you then do a 180, and when you distance yourself they are upset that you are pushing them away?
How long does an average MLC last?
Do you have any recommendations of books or information on MLC's?
You keep referring to her MLC. Who diagnosed this condition? You said she did not want to fight the MLC, so apparently this term has been discussed between the two of you.
It may not be MLC. She could be a WAW. The symptoms are very similar. I find it interesting that the majority of LBH's want to diagnose the W as being in MLC instead of being a WAW.
If you have told her you think she's having a MLC, and based on what she said about it.....could be seen as an excuse for her very bad behavior.
IDK, and she may be....however, I don't think one bounces in and out every few days.
I hope she isn't MLC, b/c that usually takes longer to get over.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You keep referring to her MLC. Who diagnosed this condition? You said she did not want to fight the MLC, so apparently this term has been discussed between the two of you.
Sandi is right, it may not be MLC. But if this is true:
Quote:
Turned out she was going to leave me and our daughter for a soon to be 18 year old.
T's wife is certainly confused to say the least. Many a MLC'er has been known to go for a youngin in an effort to prove they still "have it".
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I had read some symptoms and it seemed to me that its an MLC. She hasn't been diagnosed as such though. She is wanting to be single without the responsibility of a husband or a daughter. She wants to be able to have sex with who ever she wants when she wants. She has said she wants to be in her twenties again, and has started dressing sexier, losing weight, as and dressing more provocatively. She has also stopped going to church, and communicating with anyone from church.
I don't know then what this may be. Does anyone know whether it is an MLC or WAW?
My wife and I have discussed this being a MLC when all of this first started. Don't know if this makes a difference but she is also going through menopause.
Menopause can contribute to MLC for a women, because it is another sign to them that they are getting old and their life is almost over. A person in MLC will question ALL the choices they have made in their life, (especially the big ones like marrying YOU) and often feel they have missed out on something grand that they now must hurry to make up for. (remember, time is running out)
There is no "official" diagnosis that I know of. Read everything you can find on it and decide for yourself. I don't recommend telling your wife she's in MLC though, it will only make her pull away from you because she thinks you're the problem, not her MLC. She's convinced she has had an awakening, and is finally on a sensible path... trying to convince her otherwise will only pit her against you.
The best thing you can do is be her understanding friend and keep listening so she keeps talking to YOU. You don't want her to feel like the only people who understand her are the kids she found online. Validate her feelings.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
OK, this was probably a bad move but I asked her those questions. No she hasn't questioned the big decisions (even marrying me). She feels she has missed out of things but doesn't know what those things are, but she says her feelings on that are about that same as everyone else's.
Don't know what this means, if you have any idea's let me know.
