Some progress after 2+ months of DBing

[Wendylon]

Or maybe POW was there, but got food poisoning at lunch.

Your comment really made me laugh, FY. Thank you so much for the encouragement, FY, SD, Melissa, Tori and Andrew. It really helps to keep me on track.

Update:

H got back late from that evening. He didn't come up to bed until early morning so I assume he fell asleep in the kitchen. I made no reference to it and just acted normally. And, actually I felt OK too.

This morning H mentioned that he was giving a presentation at a school in Woodstock today. I said, "I know Woodstock" (it's a town that's v close to where I did my graduate studies). H said in an annoyed voice, "I know where Woodstock is too, thank you v much". I was really taken aback by how aggressive he sounded and asked what was wrong with me knowing it. He said "nothing". He is weird sometimes. Does anyone understand what might have been going on in his mind?

There was another thing that H did that perplexed me. H was obviously looking for something and went into each of our three coal vaults. He is useless at finding things generally but he didn't ask me to help. I wasn't sure whether to offer my help. I took a guess and asked if he was looking for a bag that was in our laundry room and he said, "Thanks, no". I left it at that.

H has been growing a moustache for prostate cancer month. It looks really bad. (Originally it was for the party that never happened). This morning, he shaved it off by mistake in the bath. As he was about to leave for the day, he approached me and said something about his lack of moustache. He was close enough for me to kiss on the lips and I just said, "Much more kissable". It was very brief but we haven't even had a kiss on the lips for a while. He didn't recoil or anything.

I mentioned a few days ago that H had wrongly thought that I'd gone off the ADs. This morning he said he wasn't so sure anymore and wanted to know what the real story was. He'd had a dream that I'd reduced the dose and that he was thinking that wasn't going to help with the neutropenia. I told him that I was switching from one to another. I wonder why he's so curious about it. In the last few months, he said something to the effect that it looks as if we can only stay together if we're both on ADs. I said that I didn't think that he was the cause of me being on ADs. He probably thinks that he's on them because of living with me!

I woke up feeling sad that we never touch and that I seem so unimportant in his life.