He also tells me to agree with her - tell her she is right - no matter what.
I like the DB approach better, and that is not to agree or disagree, but rather to validate her emotions. So if she says she's angry at you for XYZ, you don't argue, reason, explain, justify, agree or disagree. You just say "You do sound angry about XYZ, I can understand why you feel that way."
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I am still wrapping my head around the DB approach and what to do.. My problem is I don't know quite where to start with my wife at this point. She is very suspicious of me and my intentions.
Of course she is, and that's why we're constantly telling people that this is not a sprint, it's a marathon. You've got to commit to the long haul. Your W needs to see CONSISTENT changes and see them over a long period of time (months) before she'll start to believe you've really changed.