In my opinion, one of the reasons why my timeline is 6 months is because I am willing to see what happens. This even means if she has multiple OM (nightmare scenerio). The only thing I can do now is, continue to DB, 180, and GAL for myself. If she see's the changes, I hope she is thinking "I would be a fool to leave this marriage". I can't control her actions with the OM, her mind, etc. I only want to show that, I am there for her through this tough time and if its without me, then fine.
I am going to play your "H". If I heard your conversation this is the 2 things I would be thinking.
-I already made a decision to leave the family and most likely in my "Fog" thought it would be a happy ending. -Your using the kids to make me feel guilty
When you are ready to "Drop the Rope", I suggest you keep the conversation short.
H, I understand what you are going through. I want to be there for your journey, I was there for during the last X months but I can no longer stand by you when I don't have respect for myself. I know this is hard for you and I know you have doubts if our M will be better but you need to find your answers on this alone. Once you found your answer, you know where to find me.
Going foward, I am going to file D (you can leave this part out). I want a 50/50 custody, as you are the father of the kids. However during custody, I think its best we spend time with our own kids as individual parent. This will allow you to have space and time with your children. This will also allow our kids to have a closure on our family, so they can heal. I know you want me to move foward and with this step, I can slowly move on. I still love you (even if you don't love me) and will always remember the happy times we had. I wish you well in your journey.
This is something i will be telling my W at somepoint, if i she wont' comeback. But once you say this, there is no going back, you got to keep moving. We don't know how our Spouses will react on this. They might be relieved, they might feel guilt later.
I suggest, you do this when things are on a good note, not after an arguement. Always leave on a good note. Never talk about the OW (only if he brings it up, but keep it short). Your not interested in the OW, your only interested in H/W talks.
The point is, dont' sound needy, don't talk about the OM, don't point his flaws out. State the facts, you care, you tried, you wanted him, you need to move on and you want the best for him regardless what happens.
