Just a few notes. H had a counseling session last night. He never offered anything up so I didn't ask. That's a big change for me, fyi.
He brought home a book from the library. I noticed it sitting in the foyer. S12 was up in the middle of the night not feeling well, so after I dealt with him I couldn't go back to sleep. I grabbed the book and spent some time reading it and it really caught my interest. It's called Boundaries in Marriage. I would once have said I had very good boundaries, but I've learned recently that what I really had was good principles but poor boundaries. I'm sure I still have work to do on them.
I thought about asking H if he wanted to go through it together. He's asked me a number of times before on other books but I've declined because he doesn't remember anything when we're done. But I would want to go through this myself anyway, and I think I could do it with no expectations from H. The benefit of my doing it would be mostly for me anyway, and residual for him.
I'm the type that will probably read through the book in the first few days. H might never read it or might stop after the third chapter. I would want to spend 3 hours a night together plowing through, while H would shut down after about 10 minutes. So if we do it together, I would have to let him drive the schedule of what, when, where, how long, etc.
If he agrees, which I suspect he will, I'm not sure how much I'll be able to offer to him in our discussions. He interprets everything I say as criticism. Not a far cry from the anger interpreted here, I suspect. So my plan is to keep rather "to myself" and just let him lead. That sounds really odd in the context of a joint study, but there's a couple million books out there that we could do after this one if it goes well. If I throw up all over him in the first few chapters, he won't likely want to continue or do another. So I have to figure out how to do that -- not put him off but not come off as uninvested.
What do you think? Should I ask him if he would like to do it?
