I definitely am not perfect, but was loyal and faithful.
So was (am) I. However, that's not enough as both of us have learned. As men we think that women want loyalty, faithfulness and a stable home and that if they have those they are happy. They do want those things, but it's not enough for them to be happy. They need emotional support and nurturing more than anything. When we get busy parenting, we quit giving our wives those things. It's enough for us to get sex a couple of times a week, sure we want the emotional connection too but we can get by with sporadic sex. Women can't. Their emotional needs are quite different from ours and sex now and then does not meet their emotional needs. When their love tank sits on empty for a long time that's when they start wanting out.
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I came to terms with my faults and had worked on them and continute to work on others.
That's great. But keep in mind she'll need to see consistent changes in you for months before she starts believing they're real.
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My wife has been so angry and mean spirited for several months. She does not want me to be nice to her or do her any favors.
It's possible she's doing that to try to drive you away. My W treated me poorly for a while and then came to me and told me she just couldn't do it anymore. I asked her why she did it in the first place and she said she thought it would be easier for me to get over her. That is some kind of twisted logic, but when you're dealing with a WAS you get to see all kinds of craziness. But that may be why she tells you that and then shows you little acts of kindness. She thinks it'll help you move on, but she feels guilty for treating you bad.
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How can I get her to look at DB, and quickly?
Don't, Michele says in DR (can't remember if it's in DB too) not to show your spouse the book or talk about what's in it. The book is for you and you alone. It's important that your W not know about DB'ing techniques, because if she does she will see you using these techniques as "tricks" to get her back.
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I know it is patience, but time does not seems to be on our side.
Time is absolutely on your side, even if she's pushing for D. Just remember that D is just a piece of paper. Plenty of reconcilations happen after D.
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She seems so blind to the hurt in my kids eyes and their actions.
That's what you see, but you don't know what's going on inside her. She is probably confused, in pain and in turmoil. My W dropped the bomb almost 6 months ago and just admitted over the weekend that she's terribly confused and doesn't know what she wants, and that she's been that way the ENTIRE TIME. This after months of acting cool, calm and confident on the outside, like leaving me was the greatest thing ever.
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No cooperation or courtesy on any front - legal, finances, coparenting, dog etc. Getting very litigous.
When you say she's not cooperating from a "legal" POV, please clarify, are you pushing for D and trying to get her to agree to your terms? Because if you're DB'ing, you should never mention D or help with D. Let her deal with it. Often the WAS will talk a lot about D and argue/ fight over things, but if they're left to handle the filing themselves they'll drop it. There's something about seeing it on paper that makes them shy away from it. Not always, but much of the time.
