Melissa, sorry to hear that things continue to get worse (at least H and the OW) You're handling things very well. Also, glad that you have smart kids that know and do trust to confide in you. Care to say what county?
Tori- I completely know. I am expecting them to change. Already they are. Thanks for the prayers.
It's like I know that the person he is now is NOT the person I know. In some ways, the FB was actually beneficial for that. It was like a stranger. Which is funny because the profile pic he used is one I took. lol Alternately, he is also not the person he is projected on there. That is one of the reasons I don't like FB. It's more like how people WANT you to think their life is rather than the reality. A skewed reality if you will.
Any way, too much energy right there thinking about H. It is essentially down to that. Some people give energy and some take it. He takes it.
Just journaling a bit. No contact for a couple of days now. 2 I think. Which is good. H hasn't even tried texting S14. I know this because he and I switched phones (his asking)
Last night something made me kinda sad. D12 is in the marching band at school. There is a holiday parade on this Sat. I will be working and cannot take her. I had said we could contact H and see if he will take her if she likes. She responded with "No. I don't want him to know. I don't want to have to worry about my routine and look up and Dad or her be standing there."
That's pretty telling. We decided that we would ask H Fand SM to take her. Which I did. We also asked they not tell H because D12 simply didn't want him there.
I guess at this point they are starting to really realize where the drama is coming from. I think where I kept reacting for so long it made it difficult and in some ways I think they blamed me. Of course, there are so many feelings for them I expect them to blame me and take it out on me. I'm the only one here for them to take it out on. So it is what it is I guess.
Still rolling along. I'm tired today. I guess from all the working. I'm not much used to any sort of manual type labor anymore. Thank Goodness this job is just through the holidays!
Hi MK, I am coming by to see how you are. I am sorry about TG. And I am sorry what your kids have been going through.
I think NC is the best thing for you now too. Take care of yourself and I am thinking about you and your family. ((((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am okay. I did talk to H today. :-( S and I had switched phones because his is a pain to text on. H apparently got a new number and like a big dummy I answered. In a nutshell, I asked him to not call or contact them for a few days. I wasn't rude or mean or belligerent. Just calmly asked. He got angry said Oh now I am not allowed to see them?? You aren't going to let me call or see them?? So I responded with a very calm- When did you like to see them? I am not keeping them from you. However, the FB episode really upset them and they need some time. Both have said they would rather not see you for a bit. Please give them some time. True to form he hung up on me. Always does if I say anything he doesn't like or want to hear. One good thing about S phone is he DOES have the ability to block numbers. My iPhone does not. So I blocked him. He can still call here I guess if he has to. I hope he doesn't but whatever. I just wish this would all stop. I'm tired of the drama. I am tired of it all. That is exactly what I told him too. I just am done with the drama so I am removing myself and the kids from it.
So that went okay I guess. Except for his hanging up on me again. That just is rude. Oh well. I can't control it. It still makes me angry though. It feels like he is saying you are unimportant and I do not care what you say. You do not matter. I guess that's it in a nutshell. Nothing I can do about it though. Just not let it get to me and roll on. Now I am pooped and need to go to bed. lol Night all.
The drama will end when you stop playing your part, which you are taking steps toward.
Be grateful that he hung up, as it might have ramped up from there. I have a problem when my H doesn't respond to emails-that problem is mine to deal with. When he doesn't respond to an email it really says nothing about me but I sometimes become the victim and want to rant and rave about how unfair it all is.
So I've then given him the power to affect how I feel about me.
Take your power back.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Bug there is no alanon here. I did look to see what was available online. I'm not sure how effective that would be though.
Apparently H called here tonight and was nasty to all of the kids. He also closed his bank account and opened a new one so in a nutshell I am stuck with ALL the bills now. I have a bit of a problem with that. Whatever. I guess if it gets rid of him though the money is worth it.
Any way he asked my S where I was. He told him working, H replied she doesn't work on Thursday I am sure she spent the day with her BF. lol Then apparently he talked to D11 and asked her what she was going to do when she didn't have a dad anymore and why did she lie about him? He's freaking nuts. I talked to him for all of 2 m,in 30 secs. He was angry with me too. Said he wanted to set up a time to come get the rest of his stuff. I said, when did you have in mind. His reply of course, "I don't know." Then he went into the canceling his account and stuff. So I just said well I guess if I have to go ahead and pay everything so I don't have to deal with drama I will go ahead and do that. Then he started in on me again and I just said, I have to go. Call me when you decide you would like to come get your stuff. We can do it some time when I am not working because I want to be here. Bye. And I hung up. I stayed very calm. Didn't really get rude except for the drama comment.
Not sure what his issue is. It is obvious he is furious. I don't care. His issue not mine. I have had a really good day. I sort of think he is mad that I am getting on with my life and frankly, lots of positive things are happening. I have to wonder if it is a sign for me to keep moving forward.
I'm not real familiar with alanon. What exactly do they do?
Hi MKB, Bug was nice and linked me to your message to me. No apology is necessary. You weren't ready to hear what I had to say and the way I said it was not right or you probably wouldn't have been offended.
It's all a journey. I remember when I first came on here, sandi2, after a long description of my sitch, asked me if I had read, "codependent no more". I thought, what the heck! Why did she say that?! It's him that's the problem, not ME! Is she insinuating I have a personality disorder or am mentally ill or something?!
Months later, after lots of time on here, typing and, more importantly, reading, I ordered the book. Lo and behold, I fit the description to a tee! I then got a book on boundaries, too. I never set boundaries for myself and that led to lots of anger and resentment. I've learned A LOT but I'm still very much a newby.
It never ends but life does get better if we get better. Otherwise we will repeat and repeat and repeat the things that made us unhappy. I'm glad you and I found this place. I hope you're doing well.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
