Heather, One more thing, there is an old saying that I use periodically on here when posters "watch for signs" that their spouse is waking up...that saying is "a watched pot never boils". The longer you watch for changes, the longer it will take and you just might miss something else along the way while watching that pot boil. That's why it is important that you keep the focus on you and your girls. Your girls are growing up fast and your older daughter will be going off the college. Now is the time to spend as much quality time w/them. They are growing up fast and once they are grown, you can't get back their childhood again.
Now is the time for you to do the things that you've put off doing for a long time. It's time to spread your wings and soar. It's a time to try new things, create new traditions, etc. When you leave the pot alone, eventually it will boil and you will know if and when he actually does see the light because he will begin reconnecting and doing the things that he once did. For now, leave the pot on the stove and allow it to boil.
I urge you to read the postings in the archives or even go back and re-read the threads that Cadet sent to you when you first joined the forum. You will find a wealth of information in them that explains some of what your h is doing in the way of crazymaking behavior.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Heather, "Quite some time" depends upon the person in crisis. I can't tell you how long he's going to be irrational and doing crazymaking things. Some a year or two and others...3 or more years and then some never recover. Again, it depends upon the individual and his/her crisis and how THEY handle it.
I think 2-7 is average with 2 being a very short crisis. Laura Munson's husband was a year, but I think that is abnormal.
I think 5 years is more realistic but as Snodderly has said above some never recover. There are no guarantees that is for sure, most LBS's give up and say that their MLC'ers are stuck.
Best to follow the rest of her advice and not worry about it.
I find his desperation funny because he's acting like a toddler and trying to remind you that he is still out there. Now, if he were acting a bit more mature in the way he's handling things, then yes, I would say it is a good sign, but this constant texting and calling is keeping you stuck and not allowing you to focus on what you need to be focusing on.
Until he lets go of the apron strings and starts focusing on himself and his issues, he's going to be circling the moon. He's too busy focusing on what you and your daughters are doing to even think about his own issues. Like I've said before, he's a toddler and hasn't learned how to let go completely of mommy's apron strings.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Heather, The crystal isn't broken...I just don't share everything that I am thinking w/the posters.
There comes a time when the student must learn from the hard knocks of life on their own and when the student is truly ready to listen, the teacher will appear to guide them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
How should I reply today? Hmmmmmm... How about "Bite me."
Snodderly,
After all these years, do you usually get a sense of what's going to happen with different marriages/LBS/MLC-ers that come up on the board? And, do your predictions come true? Just curious.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, He will continue to text you each morning until you respond. Like a child, he doesn't care if he gets good or bad attention, just as long as mom reacts/responds. You could always just say thanks and nothing more.
I know that you are "itching" to say something else because you've mentioned some of the responses you were thinking about in your head...don't. If you were to say bite me or something else, he would know he got to you and he would continue this same childish behavior.
It's your call as to whether to text back later in the morning and just say thanks or continue to ignore the texts.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
