Basically BD 1 came from no where (So it seemed.) during late august 2012. H came home and was back maybe a month? when I got BD 2 H moved out on 16/09/12
He has seemed very confused and very hot and cold. I'm pretty much quietly standing aside watching the ticking time bomb from afar. I'm done with his roller-coaster.
I really do this it is MLC. D9 made me remember something tonight and it just really hit home.
D9 was talking to H on the phone tonight and i heard her ask him how old he is. Then she said I knew you would say 29, your not, your 31.
Well this is really bazaar and totally blew me away at the time. It was last year and someone asked H how old he was, He replied 29. Once they had left I said "You know you told them you are 29?" he replied and said he was. Anyway i could not convince him and ended up having to ask his Mum how old he was in front of him before he would believe me. Even doing the maths didn't work. Well the look of shock on his face just blew me away! It happened again this year. He didn't believe he was turning 31, he thought he was turning 30! He will be 32 in just over a month. Besides that, he has the childhood issues, He had family members pass away just over two years ago, Which is when i now think it started. The increasing anger, Spending more time at the pub, Buying boats and such. The first reasons I got when he left. I didn't wear dresses enough and didn't paint my fingernails. Really? LOL Since he left I have got the I'm so confused blah, blah, blah The sounding so happy for a week or two, then so depressed for the next and so on. He is possibly loosing his licence soon and he job is also hanging on a thin straw. He is not wanting to tell me much but wanting me to tell him all. Sounds very jealous. Either that or he wants me to find someone to make it easier for him to come out and say he is.
The children seem to be doing pretty good. Their behaviour at school has not been affected. (I had their teachers keeping an eye on them for me.) I'm doing pretty great right now. It's strange but i finally feel like me again. I somehow lost me in between being a wife and mother. I no longer feel like I am on the outside looking in. I feel so much better about myself and am loving the much calmer life style.
I still love my H but I don't like him much. I don't hold hardly any hope of R. MC and IC for him would be my terms of us trying to fix things. He has always had something against C. He was forced to go to school C and he never got over the "shame" of it. SO really there's not much chance for us but I'm okay with that.
I do still get a little sad at time but it's getting much better. His anger no longer affects me. I actually find myself smiling when he is angry because I don't feel anything accept sympathy. What a terrible life to be so angry so often, over the tiniest of things.
I still don't know what's happening over the Christmas break but I'm still intending to have a great Christmas! It will probably be such a bitter sweet Christmas and I'm sure there will be sad times but I'm hoping the good outweigh the bad.
It really is strange because even though, I do have that sadness, I'm really enjoying life right now.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Their behaviour at school has not been affected. (I had their teachers keeping an eye on them for me.)