My Fears in GALing

[newman7977]

NM77

Some LBS can wait for years, some months, some weeks..its up to you decide how much you can take before you felt you did enough.

LS13, thanks, yes totally understand we are all different to what we can take. I personally don't think I can go another year of this limbo.

You're on the right track newman. Remember that you can do this without filing for D. You simply walk away and remove yourself as an option for your W. It may push her closer to OM. But like you said, that may already be happening. And if they aren't having contact, it is pretty clear that he is still in her head, preventing her from committing to her M to you.

I would suggest that you begin by detaching. Then cut the cord. I went cold turkey in May, but that was also after 18 months of loveless limbo. I naturally got to the point where I threw my hands up and was just suddenly DONE.

Once you do it, you cannot waver in your position. She MAY move closer to you as she feels your loss. Don't fall for it. If there is a true change in her heart, you will feel it... you will KNOW it. Trust me on that. My W falsely turned multiple times before it happened for real. The difference in what I felt was dramatic. Hard to explain.

Lastly, if you do this, you have to be prepared that this may be the end of your M. Don't do it until you are prepared to accept that.

Good luck.

Denver

Yep I'm near that point Denver, I'm waiting for that time where I would say "Im DONE" for sure, I know I'm getting there. I'm gathering the strength and I think that's the best way for either closure or reconciliation, is to go our separate ways and let her go her path. That, I would know for sure if my W decide to come back there will be no doubt about the OM or no doubt about what she wants. I just hope I'm available then.

I realize also that this could be the end and I want to make sure I'm prepared for this, at this point I feel that I am, but I'll think this through the month of December and see what pans out.

In the meantime I'll also focus on the kids to have the best holidays for them.

Newman, I am right there with you. We live in the same house but really what kind of marriage do we have. The kind of example we are showing the kids, I will tell you this, my S17 has been having problems with his girlfriend, so they are "taking a break" from each other, I found out yesterday that he is "talking" to another girl in his class. The problem is he is doing more then talking, I saw two text messages one to his gfriend that says I love you, the other to other girl, which I can't say what he said. So he has learned from his father that it is ok to cheat. He learned from me, that nothing will happen to you when you do and get caught. How sad.

Couldn't agree more Ready. This is sad indeed to see our kids mirror our every move. It just unconsciously they react because this is what they see IMO.

With my kids, I'm not too worried about D17, she kind of gets it that mom and dad are having difficult time. But s13 and especially s3, they don't see loving parents, they're growing up and see that in marriage there's no affections, they don't see mom and dad hug or kiss. I'm so sorry my kids are going through this (and all the other kids affected by D for that matter), I really am. But you know, as a parent I'll make sure I'm there for my kids. What I learned and changed from my sitch I recognize now and will guide them through in the future.

thanks guys,
newman