In total despair

[Denver_2010]

First off, you just listed several things that you need to stop doing... the stuff that is making is so much worse. Okay? Okay.

Have you read Divorce Remedy? If not, do so ASAP. Begin by reading the chapter on the Last Resort Technique (LRT).

How old are you and your W?

What are your W's complaints about you and/or the M in general?

Begin this by taking a deep breath, and by teaching yourself to react to your W, whatever she says or does, in a cool, collected, manner. Fake it until you make it. You cannot control her, her thoughts, or her actions. Learn that right now. Back off and give her space and don't expect that this is going to turn overnight. This can take months. Patience is the virtue that you need right now. And for god's sakes, don't bring up the D word ever again. Let her leave, let her yell, let her insult you, change the history of the M, let her complain about all of the things that she hates about you and your M, let her tell you that she should never have married you, that she has always been miserable in the M... but do not react in an emotional way (anger, sad)... do not tell her that you will divorce her, or that you are agreeable to a divorce... just don't bring it up. If she does, tell her that you will cooperate, but will not help destroy your family. Put off the divorce as long as humanly possible.

Time + Patience

After you answer the question about what your W's complaints about you and the M are, me or others will talk to you about 180's.

But the first 180 that you need to think about is being attractive at all times (clothes, hair, smell, etc.). Go out and treat yourself to some new clothes and a new hairstyle.

GAL - Get a life. Part of giving your W space is keeping yourself busy. Keeping yourself busy also gets your mind off of the situation. Getting your mind off of the situation helps you have a positive mental attitude. A positive mental attitude is attractive... depressed and sad is NOT.

Sorry for the stream of conscious post... A lot to say and advise, and little time.

You cannot possibly learn and/or master this all in one day. So begin by cutting out the destructive behavior and by learning about the rest. You learn by reading the threads of others who have been through this before.

Good luck. Hang in there. I KNOW exactly how hard this is. KNow that it will be okay... regardless.

Denver