My Fears in GALing

[newman7977]

Been a while since I posted. As the days went on, I find it less and less to post. Especially that the sitch feels stuck in limbo. I still read on this site though to find gems that applies to my sitch.

I'm posting today because I really need the strength to give this a few more months perhaps.

Like I mentioned, the sitch feels stagnant, feels like its not moving anywhere. My W still doesn't feel any love for me. The affair fog is too thick i think. She says she cut all contacts with him but I have my doubts. She's trying though to get back the feelings for me but her actions doesn't really support that. I think her way of trying is being with me. She is there physically but her spirit, mind and heart is not. I don't know, it's hard to explain.

So I'm really contemplating on shifting the sitch. Somewhere I read on here about parallel paths. I think Denver said it early on my sitch that W needs to follow her path.

I hate to admit this but I think, I have to let her go. And to really go our separate ways and if really meant to be, we will find each other again.

It just feels like I'm caging her to be in this marriage. I feel she has to stick it out only because of the kids and her sister advise her to. I believe she has to come back on her own to really commit to our marriage.

Don't get me wrong the sitch have some positives. But for the most part it's still the same as when she dropped the INILWY bomb back in May 2011.

So the only undecided part is to drop the rope in January 2013 or wait for the 6 months since the last EA in March 2013.

Maybe in those 2 months something magical will happen?? I keep waiting for this though and nothing happens, it's been almost 2 yrs now.

So what have I done? I've 180 my a$$ off, I know I could've Gal more but there was always something to do in our weekends. My GALs were with my kids and exercising. I've focused on myself and the kids. The other day my W even mentioned that I've become the husband she'd always wanted--but her tone was a little too late. This is the best I've become, anything more will be fake. I've become a better man and better dad. I truly believe this and the changes are real, but a better husband? I don't know because i haven't given a chance.

Detaching, well I've failed in detaching. I thought I did but last 2 days proved I'm still not detached.

I could use your 2x4s here if I'm making a big mistake. But from what I've read on successes here, some major shift had to happen before anything changes in their sitch. Like in Denver's sitch, up until he was done and ready to really move on that the sitch changed. And Sandi, she had an epiphany and found this site and the support she found here helped lift the fog.

I realize that this separation might push my W to OM, or she might never come back. I really don't see any difference because that's how it feels now. I spend a lot of time with the kids, I go out with them hang out with them in the house. W practically spent the thanksgiving holiday shopping. She cooked thanksgiving dinner and she joined us sat for dinner. And for the most part I was alone with the kids. I love it though and they are the reason that keeps me going.

Yesterday W and I spoke a bit of the sitch, and somehow I ended up saying this is not a marriage and she agreed. Her demeanor is close to what someone would've done when one have given up and on this case on her happiness and she's just stuck in this M. The problem is that she truly believes this, and that she truly believe that she missed out on her chance for happiness.

Part of the DB process is to try something different right? If what is being done is not working, try something else...I feel like living in the same roof is not working. We've been at it since 2011. I'm still here with W in the same roof, I'm still the blame, she's not having the opportunity to miss me and the family. I think I have to remove myself from her so she will realize its not all me to blame.

I feel like even if she turns around now and commit to our R, wouldn't she have that thought in her head that she missed out on OM or the happiness of being single and not tied down to anyone? I mean for how long can she commit? So in couple of years she's back in his arms??? Is there a success here where the couple stayed in the same roof and salvage the marriage?

That's why I think she has to go on her path to find out if the grass is really green on the other side and if she chooses me then great. Will I take her back? I don't know, I guess it will depend on how bad she wants to be back.

I feel like I'm stopping this change that has to happen. I could be wrong in all of this but at this moment this is how I feel I'm just being honest.

It would've been easier if I can just live in a loveless marriage for the kids. But even that, what kind of example is that showing the kids about love? Now they see me and W with no affections, no love--what kind of an example is that? In their future lives, I hope we haven't mess them up on their future relationship.

Well this is a mess! How did this happen?! But here we are. I'm waiting for a miracle, a sign from God. I pray for all of us here in our sitchs. This place is sad but at the same time heaven sent for people who are willing to help. I thank you all!

DB might've not save my marriage, but it sure did saved me.

So sorry for the looooong post..and if my thoughts are all over the place.

I appreciate your thoughts and thanks for reading.

Newman