Cadet, it was strange, but what you said makes sense. I took it as a know it all like, 'yeah right' kind of laugh...but maybe it was just a nervous, don't know how to react laugh.
like everything else, I will not take what my H does personally.
Thanks Cadet.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you again for your words and comfort. You have helped gain some perspective on this. Doing a lot of thinking on it, but have also been really busy at work so that always helps to clear the mind and focus on the here and now.
I have had two big moves in my life; the first when I was 15 and left the states to move to Egypt and the second at 30 when I left Egypt to come to Sudan. I was looking forward to just settling and creating roots. But i guess i might be putting too much importance in that. I need to be willing to do whats best for me and the kids and our future. Even if that means resettling.
Other than that. Not much new to report. Dubai was lovely and I enjoyed the time on my own. Was great to come back home to the kids. Work is busy and I have some upcoming parties I am looking forward to.
Hope all are doing well ((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hmmm. Here is something weird that just happened. Backstory-This morning mentioned to H some DVDs I bought on my trip and was looking forward to watching.
This evening he said, are you watching movies tonight, I said yes. He said then if its alright I invited X and Y over for a few drinks... (X and Y are the husbands of my close and dear gfriends). Before I knew it, I just said sure, no problem.
I wish now I set a boundary, but I was really taken aback. Its one thing for him to have his friends over when I am away and he is staying here.
I don't mind in principle if it means he feels comfortable here, and I am not taking this as a sign of anything, just another reminder that he is confused in his own life.
He has respected my other boundaries, so I don't think he is trying to disrespect me.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hey Busting....just wanted to comment on the potential move. You said the reason you'd consider the move was because you didn't want the kids to be that far from your H.
You do realize that no matter what YOU want for your kids with regards to H, it's H's responsibility right? If it was a concern for him, why would he move? If you move and he's traveling constantly, how's it any different? If you move and then he decides to move again, will you continue to follow?
I completely agree with the idea of considering what is best for your kids, but he's got to be part of that. Truth be told, what's best for your kids is your H to get his head on straight and R with you. If he's not in for that, then I think you have to do what is best for you. As others have told me, what's best for you is ultimately best for your kids so go with that and let the rest fall where it will.
Hiya Busting, Trying to play catch up here with your sich; and I think Breakdown's post hits the nail on the head, each of the aspects. Remember, You are strong and capable of doing many great things! (((( ))))
I also agree with Breakdown's post in regard to your decision to move.
Now, did your H asked his friends over to watch the movies with you or only to hang out with him? That wasn't clear. I have been in that situation before, when something takes me by surprise so I say yes and then I wish I hadn't. That's why emails are good sometimes. Now I try to be prepared every time my H asks a Q and remember I can always say, "let me think about it." I think it's out of line for him to bring his friends over if they're not going to be with you. But if you're all watching the movie, then maybe it's okay, at least this time.
Breakdown, thanking you for coming by and for your post. It was very clear and it has made me think. You are right, I am not going to continue following him on his elusive quest. So I need to decide for myself.
Thank you Breakdown. I really appreciate your post and thoughts.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi afa! its good to have you back! :-) Thank you of your kind words!
Tori- he had them over to hang out with him. A boy's night. One of the guys is the H of my BFF and she told me this morning that even her H was surprised to be invited over here by H. Supposedly when H called him to ask him if he wanted to hang out, H told him they could do it anywhere 'my place to your place'.
Does H think that this is his place still????
Which leads me to this gem.
Backstory- I mentioned that H had introduced OW to some of his extended family members that live in the UK. He had also introduced OW to the daughter of his cousin, who lives in Dubai. I know this girl ( she is in her twenty's...dad left her and her mom and sister when they were babies and her mom passed away a few years ago...so this girl is on her own and have some sympathy for her). She is young and dumb, but kind. However, she began treating me rudely when H spewed to everyone two years ago about how horrible I am and how unhappy he is.
Tonight-H tells me that another one of his cousins is getting engaged (he tells me in a way that I am expected to go to the engagement party).
Then he says, if X (daughter of his cousin that lives in dubai), flies in for the engagement, is it ok if she stays here in the guest bedroom?
WTF?
I actually didn't comment. I acted as if I barely heard the question (I was busy getting S ready for bed).
My immediate thought was absolutely not. Then I thought, why is he asking me? What does he think? Then I thought it would burn OW so much. Then I thought, but this girl would have to do some serious respecting of me if she came. Then I thought, what is she just going to use this place as a hotel while H takes her out and about and I am the chump once again? Then I thought, WTF. etc etc.
I can't seem to think logically about this yet. Need time. I am very confused. WTF is up with H?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
My immediate thought was absolutely not. Then I thought, why is he asking me? What does he think? Then I thought it would burn OW so much. Then I thought, but this girl would have to do some serious respecting of me if she came. Then I thought, what is she just going to use this place as a hotel while H takes her out and about and I am the chump once again? Then I thought, WTF. etc etc.
I can't seem to think logically about this yet. Need time. I am very confused. WTF is up with H?
One of the things I've really tried to focus on in the last 5-6 months is not letting other people control my behavior. Just because someone is rude to me doesn't mean I'm going to be rude to them. I try to be true to myself, regardless of others' actions/choices. So if you think of it that way, what would you normally do? Take H out of the equation.
Busting, I would not allow your H to bring his buddies to the house anymore. The boundaries are not clear, i.e. Did he move out or not? If he's even introducing the OW to people, he should not be "hanging out" at your house or inviting anyone to stay in it. I would express this with kind politeness but firmly.
In regard to the cousin issue: Maybe you can say that given the situation, his cousin would be better off staying with him and the OW.
