Filing for D is very different from dropping the rope as I understand it. Dropping the rope is you stop the tug-of-war, the resistance is gone.
For me, dropping the rope is completely letting go of the spouse and saying you're done and moving on. I wasn't saying D was dropping the rope, but I was driving home the point of how "done" I am (or was).
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Were you actively involved in day-to-day kid life when the kids were younger? ie making dr appts, staying home when they were sick, shopping, cooking, knowing who needed new shoes and underwear?
Oh yes, definitely. W and I have always split kid duties pretty evenly. It was only a few months before BD that my wife told me through teary eyes that there was no way she could survive without me, that I did so much for her and the kids that she could not possibly have a life without me. She has always told me and others what a great father I am. She has never said anything bad about me or my parenting skills until BD. As I've mentioned, I had faults and I've worked hard to do 180's on them. I'm not trying to say I'm perfect. But W even said months ago in MC that I had reversed every concern she had and had become "the perfect husband." She did not have one negative thing to say about me in MC, she just kept saying that she didn't "want to try". And I think she's still stuck there, she's in pain over it all but I still don't think she wants to "try" yet. So she's looking for excuses not to try.
I believe I said this before, but I think we spent too much time focusing on the kids and not enough on our M. About all we did as H and W is ML a couple of times a week. Other than those instances, we weren't H and W, we were mom and dad. Heck, S9 was still sleeping between us in bed until about 18 months ago.
Originally Posted By: Breakdown
I think retrouv would be awesome and I agree on the way to explain it. Communication is really the guts of the weekend.
Thanks for your insight, sorry it hasn't repaired your R but maybe it's laid the groundwork for it!
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
I believe recommitting to the marriage comes before "falling back in love" does. She has to decide to do this before the feelings of love will return. That whole "Love is a choice" thing...
Yup, you're quite right. I don't think I wrote my thoughts out well on that, what I was trying to say is not that I expect her to have those feelings of being in love before we reconcile, but rather, just regain the basic feelings of "love" more along the lines of "companionship". IE, I don't want her back in the house until she is ready to show basic affection towards me. If she just wants to move back in because it's "right" for the kids but wants to be parenting roommates only, I won't allow that.
