This morning I woke up back on the rollercoaster. Saturday mornings were always special to me. After all week of him rushing off to work, I really enjoyed the sleep-in, snuggle, ML, snuggle, sleep more routine we had.
This morning I missed him so much. But what I miss is what I thought I had. I let him give me crumbs of affection for years. And watching him pursue OW now makes me laugh. The distancer/pursuer relationship will no doubt prove out. He will chase her 'til she catches him.
So many of my friends have told me how much in love with me X was. How he bragged about my accomplishments. But in retrospect I think he was threatned by all that is me. Outgoing, no-fear, get things done me. One of the things he said was that he felt like he didn't have his individuality.
Which is funny, because I always jumped in to get on board with all his plans. I thought that was what he wanted. Silly me.
But I was living on that crumb of a Saturday. He was not giving me much for the past many years. Since 2000 for sure. So this morning I made a promise to myself that I don't know what is in my future, but it sure as heck must be something good and I won't settle for less.
So as I was laying in bed, pondering being so alone, I decided to take back my Saturday Morning. I jumped out of bed, took care of the dogs, cleaned and organized for a bit, then grabbed my computer. And in my in-box was a delightful message from some guy from a dating site. Not sure if it would/could go anywhere. But YES, I am listening to the universe talk to me. Plenty of ham sandwiches to go around.
Heck, it isn't even 8:30 yet. Who knows where this day will lead?
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
