Not If He Came Gold Plated!

[mizjjd]

This morning I woke up back on the rollercoaster. Saturday mornings were always special to me. After all week of him rushing off to work, I really enjoyed the sleep-in, snuggle, ML, snuggle, sleep more routine we had.

This morning I missed him so much. But what I miss is what I thought I had. I let him give me crumbs of affection for years. And watching him pursue OW now makes me laugh. The distancer/pursuer relationship will no doubt prove out. He will chase her 'til she catches him.

You wrote this for me, didn't you? Except for us it was Sunday mornings....
And while there's not on ow just now, I know H is trying to "reconnect" with W#2 ("So their son's wedding won't be 'awkward'" - in 2 years from now.) He has sent two emails, one apologizing "for ruining something that could have been great" and one to say, "did you get my email?" (Pursuing and distancing anyone?)

But I was living on that crumb of a Saturday. He was not giving me much for the past many years. Since 2000 for sure. So this morning I made a promise to myself that I don't know what is in my future, but it sure as heck must be something good and I won't settle for less.

I was feasting on a crumb as well. That's what I have realized since the BD.

Here's hoping to join you at a real banquet in that future you speak of.