Just read some of your sitch, remember to be patient with him. Coming from the H side getting over an affair (PA or EA) is a very hard thing to do. For me it happened before kids and it was probably harder to deal with then my current thoughts of being divorced or away from my kids. Once he gets over it the real work of regaining trust begins. For me this is where I failed because I now see I never did regain trust and it caused more issues which has led to my being on these boards. Just continue to do what is working and be patient, sounds like a lot of things you're doing are but remember this is a LONG process.
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
[quote]H states that he has never felt heard, especially around OM1. This is aside from the garden variety steamrolling, selfishness, nasty tone, shaming and general disregard for H's feelings. I guess I can see why H is not clamoring to get right back in the saddle at this point. Things just have not been good for a long time.
I understand how hard it is to keep quiet and let spouse talk but it's imperative. It might be even harder to actually listen to what they're saying. Quoting someone on these boards here: "One of the greatest strengths in communication is seeing the other side's point, even if you 100% disagree with it". I would always tell my W what to do to fix something, what she was doing wrong, etc... which made her shutdown and led us down the path we're currently on. It will take time but if you can listen and try to understand what he is saying then he will begin to open up and start to trust more. It will also show that you're changing your ways and don't want to do the things you admit to doing that hurt him.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
