Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part II)

[AnotherStander]

Why do you think your W says that you still put yourself first?

W is not consistent on this. Not too long ago there was an R/C fly-in that I really wanted to go to, but it was the same weekend as a parent meet-and-greet at D18's college. I told W I was going to the meet-and-greet and her response was (paraphrasing from memory, I think I posted her actual email in the other thread) "you never do anything for yourself and I know how much you love those fly-ins and they're only once a year, you should go. There will be plenty of meet-and-greets to go to." So on the one hand she says I always put myself first, but then on the other hand she says I NEVER (and she did use that word) do anything for myself. I'll leave you to interpret what that means, because I sure can't And for the record, I did go to the meet-and-greet and missed the fly-in.

But, one of my faults that I've done a 180 on is I did complain a lot. I would gripe about having to do sooooo much stuff with the kids. Just to W, not to the kids. And I did (and do) enjoy the activities thoroughly, but I would gripe to W and say things like "good grief, it seems like we never get a break from this stuff, I can't believe there's ALWAYS some deal we have to go to here or there, I can't ever get anything done at home because of all of this." I was just venting, it's not that I didn't want to go. I was just irked that it seemed like we never did anything else. Well at BD that was one of W's complaints, that I complained too much and was too negative. I took that seriously and did a 180 on it. I have not griped about going to any kid-related stuff since BD. It was one of those things that I didn't realize affected W, I was just venting but she apparently was getting upset over it.

You said you almost dropped the rope and then didn't because of what she said. Explain that a bit more.

I mean I was ready to push to initiate D in January, to move on and start dating. I really did think she was done and happy with her new life. I had no idea she was still in limbo.