Thanks RLA, that's exactly the disjunct I was referring to. Yes, it happens all the time. I'm aware of it happening all the time. I try to reign it in, but like in this exchange, H just repeats himself or continues on his own agenda in different words. I've read on here before where the WAS says that they felt like they weren't being heard. I can definitely relate to that.
KD, I can't think outside the box. I've been living in the box for so long, it's all I can see. I don't have any ideas or any suggestions to assist you with trying to help. I appreciate your efforts and I understand how difficult it would be to come up with anything when I can't give you any leads. Any leads I had I already tried.
I'm confused because it seems like I get a lot of instruction about changing my perspective. Then SS and I ask what that would look like regarding unquestionable lying, for example. I still don't know. I would like some specific examples on changing my perspective on specific problems.
I'm told I'm supposed to change me and my actions, but not to do it expecting a response from H. But I don't know what that is. The things I have changed about me because it's something I want (like sleeping in the other bedroom) DOES get a response from him but it's not good. If I give him something he wants, he tries to get more. If I tell him I need this relationship to be reciprocal, he tells me he doesn't know of anything he can do for me. If I tell him pointblank, "I need you to X", he doesn't do it. He "forgets."
I'm told I need to focus on the positives. H told me this recently, too. I can't find them. I've been searching the last 10 years of my memories. I asked him to help me find something to focus on. He can't tell me any either. He has lots of positive memories of things I've done for him. He can't think of anything he's done for me that I can focus on. But that's what I'm supposed to do?
I asked for a way to rephrase the email, since others see a lot of anger in my words. I don't see it. I'm too close. I would like to see it phrased differently.
I'm trying to focus again on SBT approaches. I posted an example of what I understand that to be in line with the rest of the advice given here. I would still appreciate some feedback on that. I'd hate to be going down the wrong path from the start.
I want to save my M, but I feel that desire slipping away. I don't know that I'll be able to wait 6 years either. And unfortunately, when I really do become the WAS, there will be no turning back.
