A newcomer's story

[labug]

I guess what I am trying to say is that even when the complaints seem just plain silly there can be a kernel of truth that we LBS need to think about, accept, and perhaps work on.

This is so right, justjudy, and it seems that you realize that this behavior was/is a problem for him. Many of us here are controller/fixers in recovery.

I was not a rigid housekeeper by my H's mom was so I thought that's what he was used to, that's what I needed to do. Of course, keeping house was her FT job. I always had a FT job and the house. H helped but I still felt it way "my" responsibility.

This caused me lots of stress and then anger and then resentment. Perfect recipe for marital difficulties. Sounds like you had similar feelings.

Understand where that comes from and work on it.

Reading up on your sitch it sounds like you're doing OK. It's hard and the most difficult things, like detachment, take time. Women thrive on attachment and emotional connection and to suddenly say, "stop that", doesn't work. In the long run having a certain level of detachment is healthy for all of our R, people need to be able to live their lives.