He's Just Not That Into You - The Sequel

[mamabird]

Thanks Wendy. It's a bit ironic, the show we are watching now is The Hour - H loves his British shows. I think of you and your H watching The Good Wife and I chuckle to myself - here we are watching a British show and you guys are watching an American one. The gift he wanted for Xmas? A set of books only available in the UK, of course. I got it for him even though it was exorbitant once you figure in the exchange rate, the shipping and the VAT.

I really do appreciate your advice, since you've been through it once and you saw some success. I have to tell myself to bite my tongue every time I see him with his phone and he seems to be texting. I have to practice listening and not expressing my side of things. It is excruciating. I am trying to actually imagine myself dropping a rope when I am tempted to overstep my bounds.

Once in a while though, I do see those little glimpses of hope - and they always happen while we are having our "nice" time. He relaxes and reverts to the "old" him. I don't think he realizes how much comfort he gets from the back rubs. It kind of allows him to turn off all the anger and resentment for a while. Tonight he said my name in this joking way that he used to do - I haven't heard him do that in such a long time that I forgot he did it. It was kind of a surprise for me.

And yet, it always reverts back to his narrative that whatever happens between us in the evenings doesn't count because he still has his doubts about my ability to be present in the M or to prioritize him and the family. I think that what happens in the evenings is what's bringing us back together, whether he realizes it or not. And it is being present, and prioritizing everyone else's needs over mine - certainly his, anyway. Something has changed his mind over time because we're much better now than we were, even pre-bomb.