WAS vs. LBS

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks AJ,
I think there is definitely mental issues and yes, he did have a very traumatic childhood. His patents D when he was around S age.
I do see things I could have done differently. I do see my part in this. I'm not going to go right in to it on CVs thread. Basically though it seems the whole relationship was one sided. It was all about him.
I'm actually still a little confused on the parts I played.
For example. Going back a few years now I used to get frustrated when he used to go away on holiday with his friends, every two months.
At that point we were not going on family holidays.
He thinks every two months is not unreasonable.
There was no money for family holidays or for me to have a few days away but yet he was going every two months.
I know know I could have handled it better but I did try to explain how I felt. It just didn't sink in to him. I still don't know that I was unreasonable about it?

I loved my H very much, I still do but I don't like him anymore.
We did have great times together. Had we not have had those great times, I could quite easily have seen myself in CVs shoes.

I mean DB may have helped, that something I may never know.
I guess I just know the feeling of a one sided relationship and it's not very nice.
We have HEAPS of common interests, so we did still do a lot together at times but CV hasent really got that. So it would feel even more one sided to her.

I can see CVs frustrations and yes I can see how perspective could help in something's but i don't know that it can help with everything as a whole.

I can see this thread going back and forth like a yoyo. I see points from both sides. I Think the confusion lies in exactly what perspectives to change.

I get the no expectations but at the same time, a relationship should go both ways. Would you just accept that your S wants you to do everything for her and do nothing for you?

I am curious though, CV, if you have read and practiced DB?

I didn't have many expectations from my H and that is probably why I thought our R was okay.
I expected honesty. I never got it and now he blames me for that.
I expected him to put the children and I as a priory over friends. He never did that.
I expected him to want to spend time with us as a family. Sometime he did, sometimes he didn't.
I expected him to help me save money instead of spending it all on beer and boys toys. He wouldn't.
Honestly, that's all I can think of that I expected of him and they are the reasons why he left. Because of those expectations.

I took care of the kids, the house, the BIG backyard, plus I worked part time.
I can see how I could have handled things better but I don't know that my expectations were unreasonable.
Should I really not expect anything at all In a partner?