WAS vs. LBS

[Soul.Searching]

Okay, CV I hope you don't mind me responding here? I was going to copy it over to my thread but maybe it might help you, too?

Well H had been lying a lot and I tried and tried to explain to him how much it hurt and how I find it hard to trust him. He would lie about the pettiest things. I'll give you an example that was not to me but to his Dad.

One weekend morning, We had been up for a whole and H decided to go to the local shops to buy something.
FIL knocked on the door, I answered and told him H had just popped to the shops and he shouldn't be long.
FIL called H and as I could only hear FIL I'll post what I heard.
FIL: Hi, how are you?
What are you doing?
You just got out of bed?
So your at home?
That's pretty funny, concidering I am at your house, talking to W!
H then tried to back track but obviously didn't do a good job at it.

As I said he would lie about the pettiest of things and it was to everyone not just me.
At one stage he apparently did start telling the truth and lost it if I didn't believe him. He expected me to have trust no matter what. He said it my choice if I trust him or not.
After BD he said it was all my fault that he lied continually to me. If he had been away for work and we had hardly seem each other in weeks, I would have liked him to spend time with us, rather than at the pub (Which he does every night while his away.) yes it came down to my expectations. So if he thought I was going to be upset about him being at the pub, he would lie.

I didn't lie to him, even if I knew, he would be angry about something.
So when I comes down to it, I take NO responsibility for any of his lies, ever.
At the same time, I can see that SOME of his lie, were a result of how he thought I would react to the truth.

So basically while it comes down to him, I can kind of see that my actions could have led him to feel the need to lie.

The fact is though, that he has always lied, not just to me but to everyone. He also lies about things that I really don't know why anyone would lie about.

He actually used to use me as an escape goat to his friends.
There was a bunch of times where I heard him on the phone to friends.
He would say something along the lines of " No, I can't, W has a fit when I mentioned it." Or "W won't let me lend that out and it's hers."
I would ask him why he said that and he would say because I didn't want to go or because I didn't want to lend it out. I'd ask why he didn't just tell them and he would always say he didn't know.

He can't say I made him lie to me, when he lied to everyone. I do see how I could have used different actions in a few areas, that may have made him less likely to lie about certain things but ultimately he lie to everyone about a lot of things.


I know I am not perfect and I would say that I tried just about everything to try to get him to see my POV, to try to have a better relationship. I tried so many things that I just did not know what else to try! I tried so many things except DB!
Who knew? Not me that's for sure! If only I found this site sooner!
I don't know that it would have worked with the lying but it could of definitely help on other ways.
I'm glad I found it now though because it is helping me. If I can teach my kids too, maybe I can help save them from going down the same road.