I have the hardest time not talking relationship. I see that it is broken and I just want to try and fix it. I am fighting the urge. Good thing I have classes today.
Just remind yourself that any time R talks are brought up it will only make things worse. It will cause her to bomb you again, cementing her feelings and hurting you all over. Don't do it! At this time nothing good can come from it. Talking about it won't fix things.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Easier said than done ForeverYoung, but I am trying very hard to fight the urge to talk about R.
Oh, believe me, I know, I know. That's what we come here for, to vent our guts and get support. A couple of the folks in my thread had to slap me back from the edge just this week! Bust On my friend!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Even if you knew it would drive your W further away? You will have the urge, okay? But don't act on it. If you go ahead and do it anyway.....then expect things to jump from the frying pan into the fire.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have a feeling I will need a lot of support and slaps to get back on course. unfortunately one of my personality flaws is the need to fix things, and I don't always see that it does more damage. I am trying though.
Everyone here is has either been a LBS or a WAS. Both sides will tell you that talking at this point will make things much worse. If the WAS has given the ILYBNILWY speech, then they will respond to the R talk with telling you they want a D. If they've already said the "D" word, then they will move out. Whatever or wherever things stand right now, it will jump into much worse.
Every LBS wants to fix things by having a R talk. The majority of LBS's are "fixers", so please don't use that excuse for not controlling yourself. In fact, you are the only person you can control.
I spent years & years talking to my H about the R. I know about talking! I thought that was how people worked things out. But I have learned that you can work on the R without talk. Yes, it's hard and it's not my nature (I'm a fixer too)....but I can do it. On the flip side, I became the WAS years later, and the last thing I wanted was my LBH talking to me about our R.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Listen to the advice and learn from it. You will make mistakes, but learn from them too. My R talk sent W from being confused to dropping the bomb, and that was just the beginning! Once she gave the speech it set the wheels in motion for S. I truly believe that if I had discovered DB sooner and not talked about the R, S cld have been avoided. That's how important no R talk is.
Thank you for all your support and advice. I will listen, follow and learn from it. No matter how hard it become I will keep strong, but I may ask for more support at times.
Ok, we are back to her being affectionate and telling me she loves me. I am being strong, and not talking R. I know that her mood will change in the next day or two, and she will no longer want to be in this marriage.
I have doubled my efforts of not talking R and giving her distance.
Well fun, fun. Mrs. Hyde is here for a few days. She has changed early this week. I will be strong, and fight trying to fix this. I don't want things too get worse.
