"One thing that has been on my mind is that reading other peoples sitchs they seem to have had the conversation at some point where they make it clear they are standing and fighting for the M or R. We have never had that conversation. I said I support her decision etc etc.
Have I missed a key stage in DBing?"
No, I don't believe you have. In fact, the more the LBS proclaim their intentions of not giving a D and standing, etc., it seems to push the WAS harder to show them they will get a D. IMHO, the WAS should wonder what the LBS may do. That is the point behind the PMA, being mysterous, being less available, GAL, etc. She needs to be unsure if you'll wait it out. If you were to tell her you will wait for her as many years as it takes for her to get through menopause, MLC, or whatever.....that's the same as being available to her all that time!
The WAW needs to miss him and wonder if she's made a mistake, and if she will lose him forever. As long as you tell her you support whatever decision she makes, why should she worry about losing you? She takes it for granted that you'll love her regardless what she does.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
