DBing to save myself

[LisaLost]

I am alot stronger than in the past but I do get where you are coming from. Block him out to not even put myself in that position. I don't want this see saw anymore. I am just amazed that he has the you know what's to do this testing waters again.

You are spot on. Texts will be blocked I won't answer the phone and communicate about kids through email. Problem solved. This is the kind of support I need. Please guys keep calling me out and keep me straight.

This might not be a marriage saved success story but it will be a LBS getting her life together success story.

Lisa

[AnotherStander]

Great post by 25, she's a tough act to follow on these threads

HiDoing these exercises in a way that will save my dignity since I believe my marriage isn't salvageable.

Your dignity and self-esteem come first regardless of the M. Rebuild those first and the rest follows. Often when people get their dignity back they find they don't even want the M anymore and they drop the rope. That's your choice, but it's a hard choice to make until you find yourself again.

He makes comments about me being out with someone and that he needs a jacket from the house but since I am out its no big deal he will get it some other time. I just dont respond.

Perfect, keep doing that.

I had been border line obsessed with oh she must be so put together and they never fight and she is always perfect she is 26 as of tomorrow so she is the greatest thing and they are quitting smoking together Awwww you know all that ow must be better than me crap. I have been doing my best to stop it.

I can't remember if this was in DR or something I read in these forums long ago, but I've seen it proven time and time again- the OP is usually a step DOWN from the spouse. They are often less attractive and carrying far more baggage. I have no idea why, maybe the WAS wants to feel needed so bad that they look for a charity case.

I had a beauty night for myself last night and I am planning on finding a great new haircolor for myself.

Great, that's the spirit!

I am 5ft3 and 115 pounds so my weight isn't a problem.

Wow, you're petite!! My W is also 5'-3", but she hasn't seen 115 since she was probably in high school, LOL!

I certainly have moments of pain so bad I can barely stand it but I did devote 15 plus years and well it just [censored] but it will not kill me.

Even at my age I still feel like it's not too late to have a new life with a new person. You've got even more time to do that than me The way I used to look at this is "W and I have 25 years together, we simply CANNOT stop this M now!! Why can't she see that??" The way I see it now is "W and I had a great 25 years together and have 3 wonderful kids, if the chapter closes now then I'll call it a success that unfortunately had to end and I'll start a new adventure from this point on."

[keep_going]

This might not be a marriage saved success story but it will be a LBS getting her life together success story.

Now this ^^^^^ is the strength I am talking about. Now use it to follow thru with your actions.

(((Lisa))))

[LisaLost]

Good thing they told me about blocking the texts is that I won't even know when he sends one so I don't have to stress I over it. Yah!!! I win!!! Well with ya'lls help

[25yearsmlc]

LL,

AS and KG gave you great advice. I forgot how identical HIS behavior is to his past actions.

See that as a gift of clarity Lisa---B/C he's NOT CHANGING HIS STRIPES! HE'S THE SAME AS BEFORE.

He's a clueless, cruel, self centered serial cheater...sure, he had his charms,

but you deserve more & now you have self respect & boundaries & you have grown...

So NO, history will NOT REPEAT ITSELF THIS TIME!

You are not powerless. You can/will make different choices.

Your kids can reach him in an emergency & the lawyers can handle the rest. There is NO good reason for you to engage with him. Block away!

I would also ignore ALL his contacts (unless there's something about the kids AND the ONLY way to discuss it, is directly w/him)

it's hard to see why YOU would need to reply to ANY of his probes/"property claims" vis a vis you, OR his odd flirting/manipulative power moves...

I think he;s probably got a borderline personality disorder, which is a diagnosis w/liitle hope for change. He's bad news for any woman in his life. Keep your kids from becoming him, if you can.

I'm glad you realize you CAN "block" him. If OW were so satisfying, why would he flirt? Oh, b/c he's "entitled" to? That is so weird!

Use the image of a STOP SIGN when thoughts of them cross your mind. STOP & then inserta busy activity or GAL plan and OR DO something that requires your concentration...

with just a little, consistent effort, this does get easier

[leopoldstotch]

Hello all,

Well something is up with my h. Our son fractured his arm skateboarding and had it cast today. At the ortho's office they took a pic of my son and me with his nice purple cast for the drs. wall. The office emailed the pic to my sons phone and mine. Well my son posted his on fb and within 15 minutes I got a text from my h about how sexy I looked in my boots. My mind went this guy is crazy but I didn't respond. A few minutes later I got a text that said. I like your boots they are hot. Again I didn't respond. He then text about our sons arm and asked questions about the cast so I did respond to those. I was very nice and got off phone first.

About an hour ago I got a text from him that said he would sure like a pic of something special . Since I am dbing to save myself here I know I should not have responded but I sent back " sure would you like a pic of our very special divorce papers". H replied no. I didn't respond so he text back " you know what I am talking about " I didn't respond again. So he calls and I don't answer. He calls 4 more times I finally pick up and as soon as I say hello. He says " oh you are probably recording this conversation so bye " he hung up and I haven't heard from him since.


What the do- do? I know in the past I haven't been the smartest with him but is he seriously trying to test the waters ? He is pretty cocky.

Ideas? Should I have handled it different? I know this will come up again probably later today bc I am basically ignoring him. What's the best way to handle this?

Thanks
Lisa

I would say that something is up with him all right. Your H has no respect for you Lisa and I would say he's a major cake eater. Seems to me that he thinks he can do whatever he pleases to do to you and you will willingly take him back. I have to say even though you should have ignored his texts I did find your answer about D papers amusing. Now if he brings up his texts to you you should tell him that you don't appreciate them. Show him a different behaviour that you aren't going to tolerate his childish antics.

[LisaLost]

He is blocked from texts and all calls are going straight to VM. He sent a text to one of our sons about his coat and asked him what his mom was doing bc she must be busy. It was our 14 year old so he just said yeah she is busy . H is such a jerk. I am so glad I don't have that weak feeling anymore. It's nice now to just keep it going.

[25yearsmlc]

This might not be a marriage saved success story but it will be a LBS getting her life together success story.

Now this ^^^^^ is the strength I am talking about. Now use it to follow thru with your actions.

(((Lisa))))

YES TO THIS!!! ^^^^ & AGAIN FOR EMPHASIS, YES!!!

[dbmod]

Lisa -

Just checking in and encouraging you to keep on your path of strength. You are very important. Taking really good care of yourself is the most important thing, and it may sound selfish, but if you don't do so, you don't have anything to give. You are a good person, a strong person.

I believe you are on the right path and getting good DB advice. (It's not advice that is for every newbie, but its a good place for you as long as it fits your goals. Reassess those goals every 3 weeks or so.)

Hang in there - we all value you!

[LisaLost]

Got a nice little email from h this morning. He is begging me for money. I am not responding at all to him. In the email it asks why I am not answering his texts. Haha bc they are blocked !!!! I sound mean but what in the world would make him ask me for money?

Lisa