This plane has landed, baby!

[albamarie]

Angel - things sound like there on the right track for you. Your H sounds like he's willing to try working with you, that's great.

My sitch is the same only I'm starting to WAW from him, I don't see us getting to any point of working things out, my h's depression gives him a terrible view on life.

I will keep reading for inspiration! Good luck, share your efforts that work!

[angel61]

HI Dawnmarie,

I agree, the depression part was scary. When H and ex-OW "broke up", it was one of the hardest times, with H so down, almost at rock bottom. Honestly, I had to hold on to my seat(literally) at times to keep me from running outside and just giving up everything. I wanted to be the WAW so bad. I dreamed of a life by myself, of not having to deal with this stupid MLC/EA stuff.

Thats where the GAL ing and detachment is helpful.

Take care and hang in there!

[Ctflor]

Wow Angel. Do you feel that things are coming full circle now? I sure do admire your strength. Thank you for continuing to share here.

[angel61]

Full circle? Not really. I dont think we have come back to where we were before, and maybe we never will.

Today (happens every now and then) I'm somewhat in a funk. I think 2 years of living on the edge was really quite an adrenaline ride, especially emotionally, and right now I feel a little devoid of emotions.

Last Monday, I went to work in southern CA, and my H had to do a course in San Diego. So on Tuesday evening, I drove down from my office and met up with him. We had some alone time in the hotel, which was great, but one thing I notice is that my desire to ML lately has not been as much as when we were having problems! Has anyone experienced this too?

Anyway, being in SD also reminded me of bad times, especially since OW stayed there for a year. Everywhere we went, I would always think .... did he take her here? Does this place hold memories for them? Same when we were in Chicago. So many unanswered questions. Yet I dare not bring it up yet with H. I have this instinctive sense that the wounds are still too raw, and that bringing it up would only hurt us.

Sigh. I guess life will never be the same. Once in a while I still get that feeling of wishing that I just quit, walked away....but again, I know that would have been the selfish thing to do.

I just look at D and see how happy she has become again and I am thankful we fought for the M. Both H and I...it took an awful lot of willpower not to walk away, come to think of it.

See...thats why its great to post. I can go back and work now after giving my sitch some thought and coming back to thankfulness and not b..ching about my own feelings, or lack of them.

[albamarie]

Sometimes that's when things change actually.

When you give up thats when they come round and realize what they're losing.

Its OK to be tired of fighting....just don't get tired of living for yourself!!!

HI Angel - I found this quote you wrote and really have been holding on to it for about a month now. Especially that's it's ''ok" to be tired of fighting.

I have stopped fighting and now I can see clearer, but what I see is that there is no M, or R here anymore. My H is so changed and adamant to stay this way that I see very clearly now.

I read here that sometimes you wonder if you should have quit, you have a young D, I get your concerns, only time will tell for the two of you, if it's good you stay (you & D).

Me, I don't have young children, I have given myself permission not to fight anymore. Your great words of hope that they see what their lossing will not happen for me, and that's ok because I see clearly now that I stopped fighting.

My best to you! dm

[angel61]

Updating....

Things continue to be good....slowly, the events of BD, the pain and all the bad memories seem to be receding, and are taking on the quality of a bad dream from which I have worken up already.

I was looking through my old emails today and saw some that I had written to a friend at the height of all my problems, and surprisingly did not feel bad anymore.

The other day, H and I were talking about an upcoming work trip he has to the xOW's country, which will be happening during spring break, dashing our vacation plans. I was understandably distressed, and so was H. He suddenly asked me if the fact that it was exOW's country was still an issue with me, and I said no...its because our vacation is being cancelled (duh!!!!) and he seemed to be very much relieved. I am glad that he is able to ask me those things, it is very helpful in clearng the air.

Good news too is that exOW quit consulting with H's company, as she is joining her H's business which is in another city. Somehow, for me it just means that the chapter is fully closed, there will be no longer any reminders of what happened...

[angel61]

Hi everyone! Just visiting the site to see whats happening, in most of the forums they are all new names except for those here in piecing.

Its now been 1.5 years since we started piecing. So far, its going forward, but its slow, and not exactly how I envisioned it to be......

I used to imagine that once we pieced, we would have this great awakening, and that my H would come back to me, baring his soul and likewise, so would I. We would have the freedom to talk about everything and anything.

Couldn't be farther from what I imagined. I realized that personalities really don't change even after all that happened. My quiet, reserved spouse is back. I guess the person who I saw during the crisis who was more vocal and emotional was actually not the real "H". But I guess I prefer this version, and I have learned to be more in tune with what his actions really mean and trying to communicate with him also through the same means.

However, I sometimes feel that I worked too much to change myself, to make myself a better person, and find myself feeling pressured. I know though that if I give in to my natural self (which I do at times) then my argumentative, controlling side will surface....and of course, we all know how that could make everything come tumbling down. Darn!

One thing I also notice is that lately, I have been plagued by thoughts from the past, even to the extent of having a bad dream here and there. Mostly, I remember the "sweet nothings" I read on my H's texts to OW, and feel frustrated that I don't get that kind of verbal or written words frm him. Sometimes, I feel like telling him about it, or even being snide about it (saying something like yeah, I guess my SMS and phone calls are NOT the highlight of your day" after being told that I called at the wrong time AGAIN)....but thankfully am able to stop myself before I damage our R.

Otherwise, there has not been any contact with OW at all, H is very caring about the family, when he is away he calls 2 to 3x a day. He does have a tendency to feel like I am still doubt him (I guess sometimes I do) or his ability to make decisions, and has reassured me that he is doing everything for our M, and that not even work takes precedence over our M.