MLC, affair, internet pictures, we're a mess

[cantslowdown]

Or the immaturity of the parents!

and I am immature too. I know all the other crap we did, we did because we kept missing the target with each other and instead of doing something about it, looked for easier targets. I need to learn to be a more mature communicator.

I have a lawyer style right now and it is frustrating. I want to nail down the facts, then sort out the mess. Problem is that the "facts" as I understand them keep changing as she "remembers" them. It's not that we just see things differently. She sees the same thing differently if the way she saw it before didn't work out for her. And we run around the same tree.

I know I can't change her so I desperately need to change my style. I feel like we are in a cycle where she is the "pusher" and I am the "giver" (her words today). I felt like yelling SO STOP PUSHING! but I did not.

Everytime I put my foot down now, not to win any battle, but to clearly live my life in the right and wrong of what I believe, I get feedback that would make a teenager look positively cheery at all times. I'm not even doing this stuff to win her over (because I do not like the confrontation), but to better align myself with my core values. I'd like to be able to better communicate those. I don't feel like it needs ot be a fight. I thought they used to be very close to hers, too. We are both off track.

The five love languages wasn't at the library when I went after MC, so I got his other book "Desperate marriages : moving toward hope and healing in your relationship"
hoping that it may have some bleed over information that I could glean form it. I am also revisitng DR time and again, as well as the bible and William george Jordan, "We should begin it today. Today is the only real day of life for us. Today is the tomb of yesterday, the cradle of tomorrow. All our past ends in today. All our future begins in today."