My W wonders if I am angry or sad but I am just distancing myself from her.
Something is wrong. This isn't the impression she should be getting. My guess is that you THINK you're not showing anger or sadness, but that you really are. Here is the impression she should be getting:
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around. 28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
So show cheerfulness, happiness, contentment and be strong, outgoing and attractive. She is clearly NOT receiving this message. Ask yourself what about your behavior needs to change, and change it. She will not be attracted back to you unless you can get to this point.
Another comment, detachment is about pulling back, but it is not about ignoring your W or avoiding her when you're in the same room. It doesn't mean never talk to her. It means try to minimize contact, but when there is contact then be pleasant and outgoing towards her. Treat her like you would a friendly neighbor.
