My H left in September and moved into an apartment.
Don't look at this as a bad thing, but as fulfilling his need for time and space to think about things.
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I love my husband very much despite feeling angry and abandoned. We were each others best friends and I feel like he has betrayed me.
Those are all normal feelings. The important thing is to get past those feelings and rebuild your life. Try to see it from your H's POV. You may think he's happy about leaving, but chances are he's really torn about it, confused and in turmoil. Try to understand where he's coming from. There are reasons he left, figure out those reasons and do 180's on those things. NONE of us is perfect, we ALL have things we need to change about ourselves. This is the time for that soul-searching effort.
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When I say unbalanced life I have always taken care of everything. The bills, the house, the kids, the business. Everything. I got tired and frustrated and would complain.
Well if H is such a lazy, good-for-nothing, shiftless bum, why do you want him back? Most people would celebrate getting rid of such a worthless spouse. Do you think that this attitude you have about him maybe gets communicated to him? And how do you think he feels about that?
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We tried couselling but that was a disaster too because it led to a huge fight when he said he felt refreshed to be out of the house.
Frankly if you've told him half of what you've told us about him, I'm not the least bit surprised he's happy to be free of that. No one wants to be constantly beat down and berated. It's humiliating and degrading. Even if what you say is true, you are going about reforming him in all the wrong ways. Read The 5 Love Languages, it'll teach you what you're doing wrong. If you want someone to change you do it by showing them love and support, not by criticizing everything they do.
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I am lost now and hurting. He has been gone for over two months and I am afraid it's too late.
It's never too late. Two months of separation is nothing. Reconciliation usually doesn't happen until 6+ months of separation and hard DB'ing by the LBS.
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I know we love each other and we have a lot to lose. We have two kids, a business, and 18+ years of history.
Don't try to save it because you "have a lot to lose". What you had is dead and gone. Learn from it and put it behind you. Your focus should be on what can be from now on, not getting back to what was.
