Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[leopoldstotch]

Your interactions with her seem to be good and if she is wanting to spend time with you I don't see the harm in it. I think her asking you if you wanted something from the waitress was her way of seeing if you are still interested in her. Good answer to telling her yes to wait in the car. Its good that you didn't say something like no I only want you. I think if you would have told her that it would show her that she can do whatever she wants because you are still waiting for her. She told you no sex and you didn't react which was good. I believe some women not all but some use sex as a means of control. Not saying that your W is but she does seem to bring it up a bit.

As far as OM goes its probably best you let it go unless you are 100% certain that there is/was an affair. All you have is suspicion right now. When I confronted my W about her A I had 100% proof plus I was absolutely positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was ready for whatever consequences would come of exposing it.

As far as being the rock or lighthouse you be that until YOU decide that you no longer want to do that. I take it you know Denvers story. He made the changes to be a better person yet his W had a difficult time believing in them. They didn't ML for two years. I believe it took Denver @ 18 months before he finally decided he couldn't go on living the way he was living. He prepared D papers had them sent to his W and then went dark for two months. She finally realised she didn't want a D and now they are piecing. So what I'm getting at is only you can say when you have had enough and there's no guarantee that if you decide to end your M that your W will want to come back. You feel you are enabling her to not make a decision. I'm sure she knows this can't go on forever. When she brings up how you two would handle D tell her matter of fact what I suggested a few posts ago that will take away your enabling feeling.
You have a lot of normal thoughts that we all have when going through this. Just hang in there. You will know when the time is right to make a decision. When we were separated in 2003 that decision hit me like a hammer. I woke up one day was fixing my truck when it came to me that I couldn't live like we were at the time and I was ready to D. Give it time SG.