Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[someguy1233]

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I pretty much stayed off the forum for a little over 4 days. It was a good break.

First, I'll post about interactions with W over the last 4 days. The next is some of my thoughts.

The brief description of the last 4 days is: It was A LOT of family time. W, S, and I spent the majority of the days together as a family. It was a great time, even W said the weekend was all that she hoped for.

Wednesday
W reached a new point of hate for her job. It really sounds like a horrible place to work with lots of backstabbing coworkers all trying to one up each other.

She had an interview with another company today. She said to me, "no matter what my next job is I'm going to be the best at it. I'm going to try my hardest and I'm going to be the best I can be. I'm going to suck it up and make it work."

I held back the snide comment of, "why don't you try the same thing for your marriage."

She snuggled me in bed again...

Thursday
We had her immediate family at our house for Thanksgiving. We worked great together to get the house cleaned and meal prepared before they arrived. W gave me a hug, kissed me on the cheek, and said "Happy Thanksgiving, baby. I love you." I responded, "I love you too."

She sat very close to me on the couch as we visited with her family. She made more physical contact this day than she has any day since BD. As we were outside having a smoke she finished before me and said, "I love you, but I'm cold. I'm going inside."

Friday
She decided we needed to make a Christmas list for what we were going to get everyone. We did some online shopping.

Saturday
It was a very frustrating day. I was angry/hurt. As I stood in the garage calming down I had a moment of clarity that I hadn't thought of in a while. I saw a smiling woman sitting in the passenger seat of the car. She had no face. But she was happy and she was with me. I realized something I hadn't thought of in a while. I WILL BE OK. That smiling woman may be my wife, or it may be someone else. But there will be someone smiling by my side. It might not be on the timeline of my choosing, but it will happen.

In the eveningf W's mom was at our house visiting. W asked me to get her an her mom a glass of wine. I joked with her about not getting it herself. She grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me on the lips. This was the first time our lips touches since BD.

W and I went to the bar on Saturday night. She brought up some "theoretical" questions of how things would work if we were divorced. She talked about how her friend that recently divorced handled custody of their daughter. I gave brief answers to her questions, but tried to stay away from talking about US. I just wanted to have a fun night with her.

She said her mom asked her, "How are you guys doing? You appear to be doing well." W said she told her, "We're just taking it one day at a time. It's not like we're getting divorced tomorrow. I'm going to find a new job before really making any decisions. We're just best friends and love each other."

We were talking a little about religion. W mentioned that I act as the most Christian person she's ever met. She found it interesting seeing how I'm Agnostic.

When we got home we were both a little buzzed. She told me she had a great time. I honestly tried some of my old playful techniques to initiate ML. She laughed but clearly wasn't interested in ML. We laughed and joked for a bit as we layed in bed. She made the comment, "I f'ing love you." and she snuggled in to me.
She commented, "I'm throwing you a cuddle here!"
I replied, "You're throwing me a cuddle? Like a favor? No. I'm throwing YOU a cuddle."
She laughed and replied, "I should feel so lucky."

She asked me, "What one word would you use to describe yourself?" I answered by asking her what word she'd use for herself. She said, "Spirited." I asked her what word she'd use for me and she said, "Loyal."

Sunday
S wasn't feeling well all day. My mom came over so W and I could go grab dinner and a drink and take a break from watching S.

W said she had fun again. The service was great and W commented on my generous tip. She jokingly said, "Want me to wait in the car? Are you trying to get something from the waitress?" (referenceing sex...) I laughed and jokingly replied, "Sure. I'll see you outside in a bit." W immediately responded with, "You might as well. I'm probably not giving you any." I'm sure my face looked shocked at her matter-of-fact comment. W quickly said, "Oh was that mean? I'm just being factual."

When we got into bed I immediately rolled away from W. She spooned me tightly and said, "Goodnight, <my nickname>." I said goodnight. She said, "I love you." I said, "I love you too." She then kissed me on the back of the neck.

All weekend there were frequent conversations related to sex. Not really conversations about us, but about some of her fantasies. She also spent a day obsessing with thoughts of getting breast implants. I know she isn't happy with her body since S was born. These frequent conversations were frustrating since we haven't ML since prior to BD.