I read your stich ED and your situation is tough because it seems like your W is also abandoning her child. I guess based on your last statement, some of her habits is based on past life.
My W, in her Fog, thinks the kids will be okay. She told me this early during the Bomb. Tried to bring up examples of other family members or kids who grew up in a split family. I tried pointing out issues and she brushed it away. What she doesn't realize is, this is "OUR" kids and her actions will have effects. For example, in the 1st 2 months, she was spending alot of time talking to him on the phone, coming home late, etc....All this impacts the time she was spending with her kids. The guy lives far away. If he was closer, she would barely be spending time with the kids. The kids will eventually connect the dots.
I know we shouldn't stay married for the kids and I don't want a loveless marriage either. But i do believe we did marry because we were in love and we simply got caught up with life's challenges and failed to met each other needs. I know i can fill her lovebucket again.
Things that are positve about our R -No verbally/physically abuse -No Controlling behavior (she can go out anytime) -We go on alot of vacations, we can afford to buy alot of stuff (she does most of the buying) -No drugs/drinking issues -Clean environment/Clean house -We both make good money -3 awesome Boys
What failed the R -Lack of communication to our needs -Married young (at least her) -I didn't do the little things with love, took it for granted. -Like get off the phone, cleaning dishes, leaving my cup arounnd -Lack of education on love (She wants to feel in love 100% of the time). She refers my love as "Family Love", but isn't that one of the best kinds of love??? -I wasn't the best dad, but nor was i the worst dad (Fog) -My lack of awareness to make this relationship 50/50. There was times, i just want to go come home and relax. While i relaxed, she cooked and cleaned after working. I failed to realize we are both tired all the time. -Lack of undivided attention to each other
Many of the negatives, I have already addressed by DB, 180, and GAL.....
But the problem right now is with Her. She needs to have self-awareness, she needs to live a life of hardship to appreciate what she had. She needs to know love isn't always about "Romance" and its not just always there. You need to work on "being" in love.
I know i spoiled her...and I have to let her go but before i do that my game plan is to give her happy times right before i go dark. I want to go Dark with her having good memories about us. I think I am at that point because lately we have been getting along better but i know as long as that OM is in her head (what if), she won't come back.
So i am anxious to have her move out (hence why i am helping). To allow her to experience life without our home. But then disconnect myself from her, so she might remember me for who I was, what I did and who i can become.
Ya i am scared...that my game plan will be pushing her to experience this too soon or too fast but I also don't want to wait around for 1-2 years for her to finally get it. Life doesn't stop.
