CV, no one here finds it easy. I know you understand that. I suspect that what you don't understand is that the LBS who are here are having the same challenge you are, for the same reasons.
It's not that SBT isn't "simple". It's a matter of wrapping our heads around doing things that just don't seem "logical".
Like you, many have to let go the logical, and just do the work. Dropping the expectations is key.
You are stuck in expectations. You are stuck in deservedness.
When a person is stuck in these ways, "doing the work" appears impossible to them.
You have received support for the work and you continue to discount the work. Looking for answers in places where there is, at least right now, no answers. It's frustrating, I know.
It's possible that the only way you will really understand is to move on, yet its obvious that you are afraid to do that. Again, picking grabbing reasons why you won't move on, in the same why you are grabbing reasons why you won't or can't do the work that just might save your M.
Your own sense of urgency is too low. It's not enough for you to step up and just do something, even though you don't know what the outcome might be. Again, reasons get in the way. SBT is about doing things with full acceptance, without expectations.
Urgency is not desperation. Urgency simply means you are willing to do what it takes.
You are here, and that is great. Many people would do well to pick up and read MWD's books BEFORE they end up in the situation that many find themselves in, when they first do, or register here.
In the same way as you, though. Many would never feel the urgency to act on the tools provided by MWD and SBT until it's likely too late. Because... like you... it's too "unearthly" and requiring some "super-human" approach.
I understand how you feel. And that's why I continue to suggest... you just aren't ready, yet. Until the value becomes more important than the reasons not to.
And that's OK if you never find the value to do so. It remains neither good nor bad. Just the path that you will follow.
