I found this site after reading lots of material on-line, and feel I would like to tell my story.
Firstly, to help my own sanity and secondly to get advice from people who have been in my position, which will (fingers crossed) help me through this heartache I am going through. I am a Male (48), wife is 45. We have just celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary. We have been together for 25 years. Two teenage sons (15 & 17).
During the Summer my wife starting to make a list she wanted to do before she was 50. This list included Sky Diving, Running a Marathon, visiting countries she had not been to. I did not think too much of it, actually thought it was a good thing that she had things to aim for.
In the last couple of months she had started to become distant from me, lack of affection, lack of interest in doing anything together. Getting annoyed with me and the children. 3 weeks ago, I sat down with her, told her we needed a talk. Asked her if anything was wrong, because she does not seem happy. She then hit me the bombshell that she does not know if she can carry on our relationship as it is. I had stopped her from doing what she wanted in her younger years. I had changed her from the person she was.
My initial feeling was of shock, I honestly thought she was happy. We have no financial worries; have two gorgeous children, a lovely home.
Many tears were shed in the next two weeks (mainly by me), I could not believe she would want to jeopardise everything we had build up during our marriage. The more I tried to reason with her, the more adamant she was that she wanted out of our marriage because she did not love me anymore. I was devastated. Could not believe what was happening. Cried myself to sleep so many times.
Sadly, completely against all the advice given on-line, I pleaded with her, begged her to reconsider. I wrote her several letters, sent her flowers. All this did was put, in her own words, “extra pressure on her”. She says we have got into a rut, that I rely on her too much. We do not go out as individuals as much as we should. We are not living life to the full. I agreed that we need to make changes and I could see her point. She thinks I cannot change.
To her credit, she has admitted to feeling guilty for what she is doing, but she feels she cannot carry on the ways things are. I asked her not to make any rash decisions, to give me a couple of months to change things, and to see how she feels than. She reluctantly agreed, as long as I don’t keep questioning her and don’t put any pressure on her.
This was a week ago, and I have made a huge effort to not talk to her about our relationship. I am trying my hardest to live a normal life whilst also trying to go out and see friends so she can have time on her own. It is not easy. She does not tell me she loves me anymore, so I do not tell her anymore.
In the last week I have looked at my life, and it is plain to see that I do rely on my wife for so much. I am always looking for her approval; I can’t even remember the last time I purchased any clothing without her being with me. I would not dream of spending any money without asking her first.
Each day does seem to get easier. Though some days are better than others. We do seem to be getting on better, but at the end of the day, I firmly believe that she still wants to end our marriage, and when the agreed time comes you will go. Thinking of this day still brings me to tears.
Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. Any advice would be greatly received and I promise I will try and answer honestly any questions you may have.
Thank you.
Heartbroken.....
Me48; W44 M20; T25 S17 & S15 Bomb (IDLYA) 27/10/12 Still living together
