The green green grass of home

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks everyone. I'm not ignoring your posts, I just haven't felt the need to post here. CV I don't know 100% but I'm pretty shour he did? Either way, I'm done with the one sided friendship, except he called me about one of his close family members who are sick. If its concerning that or she does pass away, I will be there for him but only as a friend. That is as much for me as it is for him. For me to be true to myself I couldn't not be there for him at a time like that. That is if he even wants me there. I am very close to her too.
I'm not totally detached but I think I'm doing pretty darn good. I go for over an hour at times now, without thinking of H or my sitch. I don't feel the need to talk to him.
Thanks Subguy,
I'm finding this whole controlling my emotions to be quite empowering. It still takes work but I'm loving the feeling when I get there. Not letting anyone have control over your emotions is just,.. Amazing!
I have been trying to teach this to D9 as her and S8 have been fighting quite a bit lately. Mostly due to S8 trying to push her buttons.
Well D9 kept coming and dobbing on S8 for the pettiest of things, until I said "D this is getting very annoying!" She replied "Well how can it be annoying if you don't let it be annoying?" Lol She sure put me in my place. Haha

Had a pretty good weekend. Actually H did confuse me a little last night. He sent about 4 messages, asked what I was doing, ended with "You not talking to me?"
I replied a little later and told him I was listening to music, Dancing with the kids, making French toast and drinking bourbon. Well he sent a smart message about me having a couple of drinks and now I can't drive. So I ignored it, heard a few more messages come through but didn't check them.
He called about half am hour later and preceded to tell me about the sick family member. He was crying which is not like him at all, Usially he would only cry if somebody had actually passed away. Maybe it was guilt?
I don't know but I'm not too interested either. If its guilt, then he should know better.

I find now I think I wish it didn't come to this but not about what I can do to fix it. I think the damage has been done. If he treated me better to begin with than it might have been different.
I actually think my self confidence is slowly coming back. My PMA is SO much better. It's sooo much more relaxing around here these days. Sunday the kids were playing with a friend most of the day and I pretty much done nothing until late afternoon. It's the first time I have done that since my kids were born, without feeling guilty! Hey I'm entitled to have a day to myself. I like not having egg shells on the ground!

I'm finding it strange that you can love someone so much but not like them at all. It's pretty bazzar to me.