Unless she has you chained to the basement, you have the choice to go by yourself. If she doesn't like it, then tell her to find out what is going on. If not, then she can't tell you not to go.
A little bit of knowledge can help everyone.
MrBond,
I was wondering if you could enlighten me and explain what the previous response was in reference to.
Absolutely, you should talk to an expert. One of our coaches deals with both bi-polar personalities and intimacy issues. Please call me if you would like more info. It is done over the phone, and is completely confidential and it would be only you talking to your coach. It is your choice whether you want to change your situation to a healthy, loving relationship or not. take good care...note that there is a $30 discount on coaching at this time.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Professional help, for each of you, is needed here. DBT is a great suggestion. Also, don't forget to take care of yourself (emotionally speaking). I'm diagnosed bi-polar for about 2 1/2 years, on correct meds, but am currently starving my Hus. Not like I'm bragging about it, just saying it like it is. 1 out of our 3 kids are up and out. These boards changed my life, got me to see that I needed to get help for myself. That the only person I could change was Goldey. Hopefully the mods will let me suggest you check out NAMI, the National Alliance for Mental Illness.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
This is very frustrating these days. W seems more interested in everything else, tv, ipohone, facebook, drawsomething, words with friend, etc... except me. When we do have those moments, It is like she is there because she feels it is her duty, very sterile. No emotion what so every. There is hardly any intimacy, or even hugs and kisses.
I feel that I am working my tail off and not appreciated at all at times.
All that I would like is for w to emotionally/romantically/intimately engage. Is that to much to ask for?
Sometimes a spouse takes you for granted. And if you follow the standard advice to be even more loving, they just take you even more for granted, assuming that you're going nowhere. Sometimes a spouse like that will only wake up if they hear the following:
"I was thinking that since you aren't interested in having sex with me, it's something that isn't important to you. Well, that's OK and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. And so I was thinking perhaps you wouldn't mind if I had a friend with benefits, while we continued staying together anyway."
So, at this point you haven't actually done anything, you've only suggested it. Now, if that conversation doesn't wake them up, I don't know what will!
Sometimes a spouse takes you for granted. And if you follow the standard advice to be even more loving, they just take you even more for granted, assuming that you're going nowhere. Sometimes a spouse like that will only wake up if they hear the following:
"I was thinking that since you aren't interested in having sex with me, it's something that isn't important to you. Well, that's OK and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. And so I was thinking perhaps you wouldn't mind if I had a friend with benefits, while we continued staying together anyway."
So, at this point you haven't actually done anything, you've only suggested it. Now, if that conversation doesn't wake them up, I don't know what will!
You detach by leaving. You don't have to say anything.
This is very frustrating these days. W seems more interested in everything else, tv, ipohone, facebook, drawsomething, words with friend, etc... except me. When we do have those moments, It is like she is there because she feels it is her duty, very sterile. No emotion what so every. There is hardly any intimacy, or even hugs and kisses.
I feel that I am working my tail off and not appreciated at all at times.
All that I would like is for w to emotionally/romantically/intimately engage. Is that to much to ask for?
Sounds like you appear "needy" to her. We all know how it feels, longing for the strong connection you once had. She obviously has other things on her mind, and your pain to have the void filled makes it less likely she wants to do that with you. Sound like a dog chasing it's tail?
Detachment and let them decide gives it the best chance of working.
You detach by leaving. You don't have to say anything.
But if you're going to leave anyway, why not exhaust all the options before leaving? If suggesting that you'd like to have a friend with benefits doesn't work, strike up a friendship with a potential girlfriend, and be open about it. That's not having an affair, though it might be a step to one.
If these steps don't wake up your wife, I don't know what will. If she objects, you can ask, ok, so then you want to work on our relationship? If she doesn't object, well then you can have a girlfriend.
Of course you can always walk away. I could walk away from every relationship at the slightest problem. I have a friend who does that. He's on his 100th relationship or thereabouts. He lost track long ago.
