first time need help - still (new thread?)

[albamarie]

Nero: thanks for writing on my thread.
Mom's are funny people and it seems from birth you are set with the relationship your going to have forever. She emailed me this morning after I sent a heart felt poured out email about loss love, hurt feelings, healing, and all she replied back was about money.

Growing up I likened her to Alexis. You ever watch Dallas, well she was a high powered money grubbing, make up wearing, high hair, suited women. She was all that and a horrible mother. That was how I saw my mom, no heart, cold, easy to discard people like paper cups. I always thought I was adopted cause I'm warm, eclectic, natural, and a gentle mom.

Oh well, she's not a source to turn to. So I wasn't blessed with great parents, my first love was broken by a tragedy, and my husband turned away. Thank God my kids have been my constant. I never really saw adults as the gateway through life, it was always kids, any kids, I'm known as momma D around here by such loving friends of my kids.

You say you love being with the babies, I can see why, they don't care about anything but kindness, and cookies help too. Next time your H says you spend more time with them then him, ask him just what does he think your relationship is. You would be happy to spend more time with him if he's recommitting and going to create an environment of healing.

Sorry, that just pissed me off that he said that, selfish narcissistic men who can do what they please and still expect to cake eat. I don't even know you and but I know that your time with a baby is precious enough to make a man love you, not get his underwear in a bundle over.

They write here to be the person he fell in love with, be someone he would be crazy to leave. I'm doing all that, and finding it good practice for a new, cause though he notices, it doesn't change squat! Nothing changes these men! YEa, there are good endings here, I don't see it for me though, you?

Ranting...I don't even know why...i'm not upset...I think I'm just not in the mood to sugar coat anything. I want to hang out with a man, I want to be in love, I want to hold hands, Christmas miracle anyone?