Do I Have a Chance?

[complicated]

Well I was doing so good and I lost it. D15 wants nothing to do with him and D18 is really hurt. She is trying to mask it with having to say goodbye to her boyfriend but she is a pleaser and she did not tell her dad exactly what she thought. D20 who is very close to H tries to tell H what to do all of the time. She cracked as she is seeing her family fall apart. She finally called me and told me how much this is hurting her. I think H thinks they are fine with all of this.

I don't know if the WAS realize what they do to the family. I was GAL then when all of this happened I thought I would be OK when I found out something like this but now I realize I'm not.

He did call and try to make it sound like "I told you I needed a vacation and I couldn't find anyone else to go. I told you I would go with male or female. " Just so happens this woman is after him. He told me that he realizes now that this is uncomfortable for both of them. Yeah right. He told me he had been thinking about moving back home and D20 was really pushing for it. Funny way to show it.

All of my DBing went out the window and I lost all the progress I had made because I was so hurt. I told him that I felt used because we had been physical in the past though I had stopped it. He also had seemed to want to be around more. He was even on his way to my parents for Thanksgiving but when he called I told him everyone was already leaving. Then he stopped by our house. I saw that as a positive sign. Then this blow. Though I know these plans were made probably a while ago.

The funny thing about this whole thing is I really thought we had made progress. Tiny steps but steps in the right direction. I feel so stupid.

The reality of the OW has really hurt the kids though and they are not little so it does show you that this hurts kids of all ages. They all saw how much I was trying to keep the family together.

So now I am back to square 1. I said a lot of things that I meant, but still should not have said. That has always been my problem though I had done really good at containing it. This one I blew. I think it is because I thought things were going well. I have no idea how long this has been going on and he hasn't said. I don't have a lot of information on it yet. I don't know if I should ask him to come completely clean or what. I know I needed to act like i don't care and I did tell him he can do whatever he wants we're separated. But I did lose it on the phone and cried. I think it is because I feel like he has made a fool of me. It is because of that and what I see it has done to the kids that I am so livid.

Right now I can't even think of DBing. Right now I don't even care if we ever get back together. If anything good has come out of this it is how important it is for me to GAL and stick to it. I think I have been too nice and that is because of the kids.